


The Psychiatrist

by motivational_sleeper



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, Cutting, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Minor Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Violence, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 00:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 44,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2830934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motivational_sleeper/pseuds/motivational_sleeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Eren and Mikasa's father deserts them, they move to a new city and start high school with a group of kids they don't know. Eren seems to be depressed so Mikasa and their mom decide it would be best if he starts seeing a psychiatrist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's not in this chapter. He might be in chapter 2 but I'm not sure. I can guarantee he will be in chapter 3 though.

My life fucking sucks. Our dad deserted us a little over a month ago. We just finished settlement on our new house in a new city. And I’m expected to start high school in a week  with a group of kids who have known each other their whole lives, people never take well to new students. The only thing that’s going to keep me sane through this whole thing is the fact that Mikasa will be with me.

I hear Mikasa call from the dining room, “Come help me unpack, Eren.” I draw my eyes off the TV for a second to look at her. She knows I’m upset about the whole situation but she hasn’t said anything. The only reason I think she knows is because she keeps trying to distract me, whether it’s taking me out to the movies or reminiscing on better times. It never helps though, taking my mind off things isn’t going to change the fact that my father ruined my entire life by running out on us that night.

“I don’t really feel like moving. And besides I’m really enjoying this show, I’ve wanted to watch it but haven’t had time with the move and stuff.”

She came over to the couch and sat next to me. As she turned to the TV her brow furrowed. “Eren, you’re watching an infomercial.”

Shit. I had been spacing out and didn’t realize what was on. “Yeah. I know. I love to buy stuff from infomercials. People laugh at them but sometimes there are really good products on here.”

Mikasa snickered. “Are you even watching it? It’s a hair removal product…for women.”

I keep my eyes fixed on the program, hoping she will let me out of this conversation easily. I watch as the women run a bladeless razor across their perfectly smooth legs and wonder why people actually buy into this crap.

“Come on.” She smacked my knee. “Get your hoodie, we’re going to the mall.” I hadn’t even noticed that Mikasa had gotten off the couch, put her shoes and jacket on, and turned off the TV. Was I that out of it? Am I that depressed that I don’t notice anything that happens around me?

Whoa. Depressed. I’m not depressed, yeah I’m upset, but not depressed. The fact that the word “depressed” popped up so easily into my internal monologue scares me. I don’t want to think about it so I drag myself off the couch. For the first time I think it’s a good idea to go out with Mikasa and get my mind off things.

After a forty-five minute drive filled with silence, Mikasa pulls into an empty parking in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere. “What the hell! I thought we were going to the mall!” I didn’t mean to shout at her but it just kind of came out that way.

She didn’t yell back, she just put the car in park and continued to stare straight ahead. In a hushed voice that I almost couldn’t hear she said “You’re depressed Eren.” I was shocked into silence as I lowered my head to look at floor, I wasn’t angry anymore just scared. “I’ve never seen you like this, I’ve tried helping you but I can’t seem to get through. You need to try talking about it, you haven’t really said anything since dad left. Why are you so upset?”

“Why the fuck do you think I’m upset?” Ah, the anger was back.

“I know why you’re upset, but I don’t think you do. You haven’t acknowledged it as reality, you just keep blocking it out, hoping it will go away.” She wasn’t wrong.

“Okay fine.” I snapped “I’m pissed because our asshole father left us without so much as a goodbye, he didn’t even say anything to mom before he ran like the coward he was. And then as if that wasn’t shitty enough, mom announces she thinks it would be best if we move to a new fucking city so nothing could remind us of him. Does that sum it up good enough for you? I’m angry at you and mom because neither one of you have asked how I’m handling this whole situation. She always asks how you’re feeling about the move and the new school, but not once has she asked me!”

Mikasa finally broke, she turned to stare at me. I’d gone too far, I pushed her and now she was angry. “Mom has asked how you’re doing, Eren! We both have! You’re just in too much of a funk to notice anything anymore. Which brings me back to my first statement. You’re depressed, Eren, and we need to address it because we’re both worried about you. High school is already a stressful time and with everything else that has happened we’re concerned that you might…” She trailed off.

“Concerned I might what? I might kill myself?” I was screaming now, I’m not one to control my anger well and she knew that.

“No and stop yelling. We just think you might spiral down farther into this depression so mom and I agree that you need to…”

“Mikasa, don’t say it.”

“…see…”                                                                                                     

“I swear to God if you finish that sentence.”

“…a…”

“I will get out of this car and walk home.”

“…psychiatrist.” Before she even finished the word I had gotten out of the car and slammed the door. So this is why she drove almost an hour away from the house, so I couldn’t run away. Well guess what, I’m running now. Quite literally. I sprinted from the car not sure where I’m going but positive my legs would take me where I needed to go.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three hours later, I stumble upon the “Trost Mall”. I didn’t really want to go home so I guess this works, besides I’m exhausted from all the running. Mikasa tried to call a few times but I’m in no mood to talk to her so I turned my phone off. I head inside and find the food court, grab a drink and sit down at a table. A few minutes pass as I swirl the straw in my drink. Someone nearby clears their throat and I look up to find this shrimpy blond kid with a bowl cut sitting across from me smiling like an idiot. I really need to get a handle on this not noticing stuff. “ ’Kay I’ll bite.” I sigh. “What do you want?”

“You go to St. Rose High?”

Alright kind of creepy, keep your cool Eren, he’s obviously stalking you. “Yeah, I guess I do now.”

“Oh, you’re new then?”

“Yup, just moved here. Can I ask a question? How do you know where I go to school?”

“Your hoodie stupid, its part of the school uniform.” He was giggling but I could feel my anger starting to bubble up. First off, because I hadn’t noticed what hoodie I was wearing and it made me look like an idiot. Second, mom hadn’t told me there was a fucking school uniform.

“…” The conversation’s starting to die, I thought about just getting up and walking away. The only thing stopping me from doing just that was the fact I had no ride and no idea how to get home from here.

“I’m Armin by the way.” He held out his hand. I shook it. “I’m going to be a sophomore this year at St. Rose.”

“I’m Eren. Freshmen.” I’m bored so I rattle the ice in my now empty cup.

“So what brings you to the mall? You doing some shopping? Or just grabbing a bite to eat?” Damn, this kid is really in your face. I don’t like him, he’s too happy. He hasn’t stopped smiling since we started this conversation.

“Ha no, I ran away from my sister and wound up here. I don’t know where here is in respect to my house so I can’t go home and I’m surely not going to call my sister to pick me up so I’m stuck here I guess.” His smile faded, I thought it would.

“Why did you run from her?” He honestly looks so concerned right now; I want to slap that look off his face.

“Listen, I don’t know you. We may go to the same high school but I’m not going to tell some chipper little prick my life story just because he asks for it. So can we both stop pretending like we’re enjoying each other’s company and go our separate ways?” I might have gone a little far, but I got what I wanted. He got up from the table and started to walk away. I pick up the cup and find the nearest trash can to dispose of it. Upon turning around I find blondie in my face again. “Can I help you?” I ask deadpan.

“You want a ride?”

“Excuse me?” I just insulted this kid and he wants to do me a favor? “No, I don’t want your help. I’ll find my own way home.”

“You may not want my help, but you need it. Come on lets go.” He grabs my wrist and starts toward the door. For some reason I follow him, mostly because he’s got a hold of my wrist, although I could have shaken him off. There must be something wrong with this kid, with Armin. I have no idea who he is, he might not even go to my school but for some reason I agree to get in his car.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was only a ten minute car ride from the mall to my house. Armin seems legit though, after talking to him. Well him talking and me mostly staring out the window. He talked about the school and how much I’ll love it there. I doubt it but he seems convinced. As he pulls in the driveway I see Mikasa in the window, she lets out a sigh when she sees me in the passenger seat. “Thanks for the ride man.” I offer as I hop out of the car.

He rolls down the passenger window and adds “Oh I forgot to mention the coolest part about our school.” I poke my head in the car to prove I’m listening. “Our mascot is a titan!” I must have looked dumbfounded because he started to giggle again.

“Don’t most schools have animals for their mascots, like a bear or dolphin or something?”

“Yeah, most do, but not us. We’re the St. Rose Titans. Cool right?”

“…Right.” I pull my head out of the window. “Anyway, thanks for the ride Armin.” I offer as I start to walk away.

“Anytime. See you in a week Eren.” I look back when I hear my name to see him just sitting there smiling, I smile back and wave, hoping to end this awkward endeavor. His stare lingers for a couple seconds and I swear to God I saw him start to blush before he floored it in reverse down the driveway.

I entered the house and proceeded to be tackled by my mother and Mikasa who kept repeating how worried they were. After a few minutes everything had calmed down and mom made the observation “You made a friend.” An entirely wrong observation, but one just the same.

“He’s not my friend mom, but thanks for trying. His name is Armin, he saw me at the mall wearing this atrocious hoodie, and he apparently goes to our school, he informed me this is part of the school uniform.” I pulled at the front of the hoodie and glared at her. To which she sheepishly grinned and looked away. “Anyway” I rolled my eyes “He is super irritating, he wouldn’t leave me alone even after I insulted him. He offered me a ride home but it was clear he wasn’t going to leave me alone until he drove me home so I took him up on the offer. That’s it, end of story.”

She threw up her hands jokingly. “Okay okay snappy pants. I’m just saying that he, Armin right? He sounds like he was trying to welcome you, even after you were horribly rude. So maybe you could be friends with him, it might be nice to know someone else at school instead of just your sister. You’re not the best at making friends, but it sounds like Armin wants to try.”

“Mom, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But the odds of me seeing that kid ever again are pretty slim. It is a big school after all.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi will definitely be in the next chapter, I just had to get Eren to the point where he would go see a psychiatrist. Trying not to rush things.

Mom dropped us off at school bright and early in the morning, bright being a figure of speech here because it’s still fucking dark out. So here I stand looking at a solid wall of brick they call a school in the most ridiculous school uniform you could imagine. The uniform consists of pleated white pants, pure white button-down shirt and a dark brown belt. Who gives teenagers an all-white outfit and expects them to keep it clean? We are also given a hideous forest green hoodie that we’re allowed to wear when it gets cold. The hoodie doesn’t even match the rest of the uniform, who designed this? Girl’s uniforms are mostly the same with the exception of the pants which are replaced with a dark brown pleated skirt. It’s honestly the only part of the uniform I can get behind.

When we registered for school a few weeks back they offered to give Mikasa a tour because she will be going in as a sophomore; I apparently don’t get a tour because freshmen can “figure it out on their own”. Mikasa and I are technically the same age but I got expelled in 6th grade for fighting, so now I’m a grade behind her and everyone else my age.

I follow Mikasa into the main office with every intention of going on that tour with her. We are directed back to Principal Erwin’s office where he is already standing in the doorway waiting for us. I have to look up to see his face because he’s massive; not like a fat massive but like an extremely muscular massive. Principal Erwin could be the poster child for what a man is supposed to look like. “Welcome to St. Rose High.” He greeted both of us, then turned to me. “I know it’s not fair that both of you can’t go on the tour, but it’s just school policy. I’m sure you’ll understand.”

“No, I don’t…” I started, my voice rising. But I was cut off by a little squeak that came from behind Principal Erwin.

“I don’t mind taking them both on the tour. Besides it might be best not to separate them.” Erwin stepped aside to reveal a blushing Armin bouncing up and down on his toes. I’ll be damned. Out of all the students in this school, the one that’s going to give me a tour is the one that I’ve been introduced to already. I feel like I jinxed myself.

“Are you sure? That’s not what you signed up for Armin and you’ll probably miss more class if you take both of them.”

“I know what I signed up for.” Armin chirped obviously excited and not hearing a direct no.

Erwin sighed. “Fine, if you’re sure.” Armin clapped his hand and bounced toward us, grabbing my wrist and pulling me after him. I noticed he hadn’t grabbed Mikasa so I reach back for her hand and she reluctantly follows our weird little train out of the office.

Once we exit the office, Mikasa states she needs to use the bathroom. “Do you want me to show you where the closest one is?” Armin asks.

“No, no. I’ll find it.”

“You want us to wait for you?”

“Nope, you two go ahead. I’ll catch up with you later.” That was all Armin needed, he started walking down one of the seemingly endless halls. I turned to look at Mikasa who was still standing where we left her; she gave a small smile and waved.

I tuned back into Armin who was babbling on about the library. “…It’s got so many books; I don’t know if you’re into reading. I am. It’s wonderful though, you’re going to love it. Do you want to go there first? Ooh! Or we could go to the cafeteria, it’s not lunchtime yet so no one is in there. I could show you what not to eat off the menu. Or…”

I place my hands on his shoulders. “Armin.” He stops in the middle of the hallway, panting. I don’t think he had taken a breath since we left Mikasa. “Calm down. You’re freaking out.”

“Ha, I’m sorry.” He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. “It’s just the first tour I’ve given and I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be nervous, there’s nothing to worry about. Besides it’s not like we’re strangers right? We already know each other.” His grin grows. Nervousness gone.

“I know the perfect place to go first.” Armin grabs for my wrist, I look down questioning it. It’s the third time he’s done this right? Does he do this to everyone? He didn’t do it to Mikasa. I don’t know, he’s probably just excited.

We turn down a dark hallway that doesn’t have any doors leading off of it which is strange, why have a hallway without any classrooms? Oh never mind there is one door, all the way at the end. And apparently it’s where we’re going. Armin opens the door and I squint trying to make out anything in the dark room. There are no lights and no windows; where the fuck is this kid taking me? “Come on, we have to hurry! Watch your step.” I look down and can barely make out an outline of the steps. So at the end of the dark deserted hall there is a dark deserted staircase, good. After three flights of stairs Armin pushes open the heavy metal door in front of us and I’m surrounded by a thousand colors. My eyes light up as I step out the door and past Armin, I can hear him giggling behind me.

He brought me to the roof and by the looks of it the sun is just starting to rise. The sky is filled with a mixture of pinks, purples and reds. I walk all the way to the edge before I say anything. “Armin. This is gorgeous, I’ve never seen the sky look this beautiful. Did you know it looked like this up here?” Armin pops up beside me trying to suppress a grin but failing horribly. He simply nods. “I could stay up here all day. It’s so peaceful.”

He smiles and stretches his arms up as if trying to touch the colors painted in the air. Finally, letting his arms drop he sighs “I wish we could but we really need to get to class.”

“But you haven’t even really showed me around yet.” I’m just stalling at this point, I don’t want to leave this view.

“I can show you around later. We need to get to Biology.”

“We’re in the same class?” I guess I’m stuck with this kid now. Not that I’m not enjoying the company I’m just not good at the whole friendship thing. And it seems like Armin is set on being friends.

“Yup! Principal Erwin showed me your schedule while I was waiting for your sister. All of our classes are pretty close to each other so I can probably walk you to them until you get used to the routine.”

I take one last look at the view before I follow Armin back down the stairs. The bell signifying the beginning of second period rang as we walked through the door to Biology. Of course the room went silent and everyone stared at us, I mean that’s what happens with new students right? People either adore you or they alienate you, it’ll be fun to see which side I’m on. Armin said hello to our teacher and took a seat in one of the two empty desks in the front of the room. Figures everyone else wanted to sit in the back.

Biology dragged on for what felt like three hours but I did learn something. I learned Armin is one of those students who takes ample notes and doesn’t talk during class unless he’s asking a question; oh and I learned that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. So I guess I learned two things, not bad for my first day.

“We have lunch next.” 

I follow Armin to the cafeteria where I am greeted once again with cold stares but I don’t hear anyone talking about me. “Whatever you do, don’t get the meatballs. They won’t tell us which kind of meat is in them.” Armin says as he grabs a tray of mozzarella sticks. I do the same figuring they must be okay if Armin’s getting them.

He leads me to an empty table where we sit down. “Do you not have any friends?” I realize it sounds rude the second it leaves my mouth so I try to correct it with “I mean, you don’t have to sit alone because of me. You can go sit with your friends if you want.”

“Ha, I have a lot of friends. Thanks for asking. But I don’t want to make you eat by yourself on your first day in a new school.”

“And you don’t want me to sit with your friends because I’m an asshole?” I don’t know why I’m getting defensive.

“No, I just figured you might want to settle in here before you go running around trying to make friends with everyone. If I’m wrong, we can go sit with my friends now.” He turns and waves to a table filled with kids cramming their faces, they all wave back.

“No, you’re right. Sorry.” We finish our lunch as Armin talks about all the people he can’t wait to introduce me to.

I might actually be okay here.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was wrong. Armin walked me to the rest of my classes but he wasn’t in any of them.  Apparently people weren’t talking about me in Bio because I was with him, people respected Armin.

 However, the second he wasn’t around the talking started. I heard the whispers start behind me in Health class, we are learning about alcohol and the consequences of substance abuse. “Do you think he flunked out at his old school?” Someone whispered. “Maybe his parents divorced and they made him chose which one to live with.” I’m thinking alcohol sounds like a good option right now. “I don’t think we should talk about him; I heard he beat some kid up in middle school and got expelled for a year.” That’s when the whispers stopped. Great, now they’re all afraid of me. I’ll have an even harder time making friends now, won’t I?

By the time I got to Spanish, my last period, people had met Mikasa and every guy in my class asked if she was looking for a boyfriend. I let most of them slide because I just want to finish my last class and get out of here. But the last one I couldn’t let slide. It came from a guy named Jean. He sits behind me and tapped my shoulder “Dude, your sister’s in my English class.” Okay. “And I was wondering if she’s single ‘cause I would definitely tap that.” I’ve had enough. I push my chair out and turn around, slamming my hands down on his desk.

“Take it back.” I say, seething.

“Why?” He tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head. What a cocky asshole. “It’s true.” That’s it, I can’t hold back the anger anymore. Sorry mom. Sorry Mikasa. I guess I’m going to be held back another year. I kick my foot under his desk, knocking his chair off balance and sending him crashing to the floor. But that wasn’t enough, I’m still angry so I walk around his desk to where he’s lying on the ground and swiftly kick him in the nuts. Then casually grab my backpack off the back of my chair and head for the door, I can hear the teacher screaming gibberish in the background but I couldn’t care less.

I think I’m done for the day, might as well go home and see how long it takes Mikasa to find out what happened.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Around three o’clock the front door flies open, I look up from the dining room table as Mikasa enters the room. She looks pissed. I’ve got nothing to lose at this point so I raise the shot I’d poured myself from mom’s Vodka stash in the back of the pantry. “Are you fucking kidding me Eren?” She crossed to table and ripped the shot glass out of my hand. I’ve never seen her this angry before. I watched her throw the glass to the ground where it shattered and shot glass fragments across the dining room floor. Mikasa stood perfectly still for a few seconds before she sank to the floor and whispered “Why, Eren? Why would you do this?”

“Mikasa you weren’t there. They were all talking so bad about you and then Jean said he wanted to ‘tap that’ and I don’t know I guess I just lost it. You’re my sister Mikasa, I had to defend you.” She looked up at me from the floor and I can see tears starting to form in her dark brown eyes.

“Not Jean.” She gestured to the floor where the glass fragments and remaining vodka lie. “Why would you do this? You don’t drink. Is this really how you want to deal with your problems? The way he dealt with them? Because this exactly what dad used to do.”

“News flash Mikasa: This is how everyone deals with their problems! Not just dad. So don’t compare me to him.” I scream.

She got off the floor and sat across from me at the table reaching for my hands and lacing her fingers with mine. I look at our hands and suddenly her grip gets tighter, I try to pull out of her grasp but Mikasa has always been stronger than me. “Eren, you need to see a psychiatrist.”

“No. I. Don’t.” I spit through clenched teeth. “I don’t need some stranger analyzing everything I say and telling me how I feel”

“You don’t have to talk about how you’re feeling. You can just talk. I just think it will help to talk to someone who you know won’t judge you, at least until you make more friends at school.”

I resign and stop tugging against her hands, there's no point in fighting her on this. If it will make her happy I will do it. “So I only have to go until I make friends?”

“Yup. But you never know, you might like being able to talk to someone who knows nothing about you. So if you decide you want to keep going even after you make friends, that good too.” Mikasa got up from the table and walked over to the fridge, pulling a business card out from under a magnet. “Here’s the address. Your first appointment is at four tomorrow.”

I stared at her dumbfounded. “You already made my appointment? How did you know I would agree to go?”

“Eren, you would do anything to make mom and me happy." Sometimes I feel like Mikasa knows me too well. "Cheer up, I’ll drive you tomorrow.”

“Mikasa you know you can’t drive without mom in the car.”

“Its fine, she won’t be home anyway.” Mikasa has her learner’s permit so she is required to have a licensed driver in the car at all times. Although, she never follows that rule when mom isn’t home.

“Do you think I’ll be suspended for kicking Jean in the nuts?”

She sat back down at the table. “I already talked to Principal Erwin and Jean. Principal Erwin agreed what Jean said was inappropriate and forced him to apologize to me. So no, you’re good. Now come on and help me clean this glass up before mom gets home.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's Levi's introduction! Isn't it nice that I'm posting this on Christmas; it's like it's his birthday present. Happy Birthday Levi! As for the fic, I did the first three chapters a day apart because I needed to get Levi into it (people were probably beginning to wonder how it was a Levi/Eren fic without Levi), but from now on I will mostly likely do weekly updates.

Mikasa pulls into the parking lot outside the office complex and it hits me how real the situation is. “I take it back. I changed my mind. I don’t want to see a psychiatrist, no matter how happy it would make you.”

“Eren you’re acting like a child.” She unlocks the doors. “Get out.” I put on my most pitiful face and turn to look at her hoping she won’t force me to go through with it. “Really, you’re going to pout? You’re better than that, come one it’s only an hour long session. If it’ll make you feel better I can stay out in the parking lot so you can bolt if you need to.” The idea that I could just go in and walk right back out made me perk up a little. “But you really have to try Eren, you can’t just say ‘Oh well I guess that’s it, therapy doesn’t work’ and get off the hook.” And I’m back to pouting.

Figuring I’m not going to get out of this, I hop out of the car but lean back in to add “You don’t need to wait for me, Mikasa.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, honestly when this hour’s up you’re the last person I’m going to want to talk to. So I’d rather just walk home.”

“Don’t look so butt hurt. This will be good for you. You may not see it now, but one day you will.” I close the door sensing our conversation is over. Mikasa rolls down the window as she drives away and throws a “love you” at me.

Not feeling the love right now darling sister of mine.

I somehow manage to drag myself up the steps and into the building. Checking the business card for an office number, 113; I head to the right following the arrow stating 100-117. Stopping outside the door labeled 113 I check the card again just to make sure I have the right room. “Okay, here we go Eren. You only have to make it through an hour.” I whisper the words of encouragement to myself before opening the door. Only to be greeted with.

“Hey crazy! You done talking to yourself?” I stop to survey the room which is set up with chairs lining the left wall of a narrow reception area and a large wooden desk across from them with an extremely excited receptionist that I can only assume the comment came from. She had her brown hair tied back in a loose ponytail and was wearing a pair of square frame glasses that shouldn’t look good on anyone but seem to work on her.

  
I had been so focused on the receptionist that I had barely noticed the man I can only assume is my psychiatrist pass by and disappear into his office. It wasn’t until he called from inside the room that I realized what the receptionist had said. “Hanji, don’t embarrass him. He’s here because he has issues; I just didn’t realize talking to himself was one of them.” I can feel my face heating up and I can’t imagine it being any color but beet red right now.

“Y-you could hear me out there?” I stutter, trying and failing to regain control of the situation.

“Sure could Mr. Tomato.” Hanji responded. I wish I hadn’t told Mikasa to go home, now I have nowhere to run. Actually, I could run. I could sprint out of here right now, but then I couldn’t come back and Mikasa would be furious with me. Letting out a sigh I head for the office that the man had disappeared into.

The second I’d crossed the threshold he was in my face, well kind of, he was slightly shorter than me but still intimidating. “Whoa. What are you doing?” He put his fingertips on my chest and pushed me out of the doorway. “You don’t come into my office until you’re invited by my lovely receptionist Hanji.” He looks past me to the woman at the desk.

“Thanks babe! But I think we’ve scared him enough though, just let him in your office.”

“No. He has to follow the rules just like everyone else, just because he made a fool out of himself doesn’t mean he gets special treatment.”

“Stop being such a dick Levi and let him in the office.” He simply turned with a huff and disappeared into the office. Confused as to whether I should follow or not, I turn to Hanji who smiles and makes a shooing motion toward the door, signaling me to go in.

“Close the door behind you, Eren.” I hear the soft click of the door behind me as I push it into place; it’s not a comforting as I thought it would be.

“Is _this_ door soundproof?”

“Are you stupid? Yes it’s soundproof. What kind of crack-head business would I be running if it wasn’t? Now are you going to sit?”

I survey my options, there are two seats in the room. One: the couch that sits with its back to the door. And two: a padded armchair that sits directly in front of the couch and faces the door behind me. The latter is taken so I guess I get the couch.

I take this time to study the man in the armchair. His haircut doesn’t resemble anything that could be considered professional, with its choppy cut on the top and shaved underside. His eyes are slightly unnerving, as they look almost dead with their steel gray color and half-lidded stare. He sits with his legs crossed which is an interesting choice for a man. And his cheekbones are so prominent they almost look feminine. This man isn’t like Principal Erwin, the poster child for perfection, but he is kind of perfect in his own sort of alluring way.

“You afraid of sitting? Because we could address that first if you want.” And my face is red again; I hadn’t realized I was standing that whole time. I cross to the couch and take a seat.

“Come on kid, you look nervous. Relax.” He says those words but I can’t feel the sincerity behind them. “Okay, if you don’t want to relax then I’ll just start my introduction. My name is Levi, you’ll address me as Dr. Levi. I’m a psychiatrist meaning I can prescribe drugs if need be; but don’t try and get me to write prescriptions for random ass shit though ‘cause it’s not going to happen. I cannot have any type of outside relationship with a patient.” Odd thing to add since we’re both guys. “Everything you say in here is confidential and I will not share it with anyone outside this room. How old are you?”

“S-sixteen.” Dammit. Fucking stuttering again.

“Damn, starting them earlier and earlier these days” He sighs. “So as I was saying. I won’t share anything from our talks with anyone else unless the information you provide implies you are going to or have harmed yourself. Then I reserve the right to contact your parent or guardian and inform them of the situation. Are we clear on the ground rules?” I nod solemnly. “Any questions?”

“Have you ever had to do that before? Had to tell on someone?” I sound scared and I hate myself for it.

“You sound like you’re five. Did I tattle to someone’s mommy? Is that what you’re asking?” He chuckles and I lower my head to look at my lap. I think Levi noticed he was making the situation worse because he continued. “To answer your question, yes, I had to call a patient’s parents one time. It wasn’t fun and I hated doing it but I had to.”

“Why did you have to tell?”

“Will this help you relax and open up to me?” I nod again. With a sigh he starts. “A patient came in one day and informed me she thought about suicide again for the first time in months. The thought had come back very strong that time, stronger than it ever had been before. I hadn’t told her parents about her past suicidal thoughts because it was clear she wasn’t going to go through with it those times, but that last time was different. She told me how she stood staring at the rope she’d thrown over a low-hanging branch in the backyard and how the only thing that stopped her from hanging herself then and there was the fact her parents would come home to find her lifeless body swinging from a tree. She couldn’t do that to them. Being a professional, I know that there is only a limited time after you hit that point ‘til your own pain outweighs the pain you think your parents would feel. So I had to step in.”

The story, as horrible as it was, eased me. I know where the line is and as long as I don’t cross it he can’t tell my mom or Mikasa anything. “That’s great!” I chirp.

Dr. Levi looks at me like I just tried to punch him in the face then closes his eyes to massage the bridge of his nose. “Are you fucking kidding me? I just finish telling you a story about a girl who wanted nothing more than to kill herself and you tell me that it’s great.” I start to interrupt but he cuts me off. “No. I don’t think you understand. I had grown very fond of that girl; she was the only patient I have cared about on more than a doctor-patient level. And after that day, she never came back here again.”

“Oh my god. Did she go through with it?”

“No numb nuts she didn’t. But she certainly didn’t want to come see me again. From day one she’d made it clear that that was the last thing she wanted. She knew the rules but she trusted me, trusted the bond we had was better than some words all psychiatrists are required to say. She thought I could fix her, so I wouldn’t have to tell her parents. But I knew I didn’t have that ability. So I had to sacrifice our relationship for her safety.”

“You were dating her?”

“Should I even dignify that one with a response?” Sigh. “No I wasn’t dating her. There’s more than one kind of relationship, kid. We were just close, like family. Besides I can’t date patients remember, it’s against the rules. I could lose my job over that shit. Now, are you done trying to analyze me? Can I be the psychiatrist again?” I just stare at him. His questions and attitude infuriate me but I can’t seem to lash out at him like I’ve done to so many others.

“I-I didn’t mean it was great that she tried to kill herself by the way. It’s just I came in here worried that anything I told you would be relayed back to my family; so when you told me that story it gave me a line not to cross. As long as I don’t tell you I’m going to kill myself then you can’t tell anyone…that’s what I thought was great.”

Levi blinked a few times. “Are you saying you wouldn’t tell me if you were thinking about suicide?”

I guess that is where I was going with that. “No.” I lie. “I just don’t want my family thinking they were right about me needing a psychiatrist. And besides I’m only here until I make some friends in this town and then it’s ‘au revoir Dr. Levi’.” His eyebrow shot up at that comment, maybe I’d offended him.

“You’re only going to come until you get friends; what a stupid condition to set. But I bet there is a brilliant explanation behind it, so let’s hear it.”  He had that same smug look on his face that Jean had before I kicked him in the nuts.

“That was the deal I made with my sister. I don’t have any issues so I don’t need some asshole with a fancy degree analyzing every word that comes out of my fucking mouth!” Good job Eren, you got your anger back.

Levi uncrossed his legs and pushed himself out of the armchair. “You don’t swear in here, I don’t care how angry you are. No swearing.”

“But-but you swore.” My fear was replaced anger in a second. Levi is very intimidating for a man of such short stature.

“Yeah; and it’s _my_ office that _I_ got with _my_ ‘fancy degree’, you can swear in here after _you_ go to school for eight years. In the meantime you can get out of my office.” He grabs my shoulder, not hard but I still squirm under the pressure, and directs me toward the door.

“Why, is it because I swore? I’m sorry; I didn’t realize.” I threw over my shoulder.

“No.” Levi pushes me into the lobby and spins me around. “You think you don’t need a psychiatrist because there’s nothing wrong with you. If you truly believe that then I can’t help you. You’ll never open up to me and even if you do everything you say will be filled with lies. So no Eren, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I can’t help you.” With that Levi’s hands leave my shoulders and he spins on his heel back into his office, slamming the door.

“Hanji.” I mumble still staring at the door.

“Yes darling.” She cooed.

“What just happened?”

“Oh! You see Levi doesn’t like people wasting his time and it looks like you just proved to be a waste of time.”

“So he’s not going to see me again?”

“Nope. Sweetie you heard what he said, he can’t help you so he’s done.”

I finally turned to look at her and plead. “But I need this.”

“Why?” Hanji purred.

Easy. “I have to prove to my sister I gave it a good try, if I don’t she’s not going to give up. She’ll just make me see a different psychiatrist.”

“That right there is why he can’t help you. You’re only doing this for your sister, not for yourself. The therapy will never work that way.”

“But I don’t need fuc— can I swear out here?” Hanji nods, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. “I don’t need fucking therapy! There is nothing wrong with me!”

“Eren. Your father ran out on you and now you’re alone in a new city just in time to start high school. Tell me you’re not angry. Tell me you’re not upset. Tell me you don’t feel alone.”

“Ho-” My voice cracked. “How did you know all that?”

Hanji laughed. “You think your sister didn’t brief us when she called to make your appointment?”

I hadn’t honestly thought about it. “I guess I might need a little help.” I whisper to the floor.

“Eren, Dr. Levi will see you now.” She said gesturing to his office.

Levi’s leaning against the office doorjamb with his arms crossed smirking. “See you this time next week, kid.” With that he’s gone again.

 I turn back to Hanji. “Did you plan that?”

“Specifically for you, no. But this kind of thing has happened before; the younger patients often believe they don’t need counseling so they only come to please their family and it never works out. We came up with this routine which usually does the trick. Most of the time people just need a push to realize they need help.”

“Thank you, for everything.” I meant it.

“You’re welcome.” Hanji pushed away from the desk grabbing her keys out of a drawer. “Come on, I’ll drive you home. It’s supposed to rain and I don’t want you walking home in that.”

I cock my head to the side. “How did you know I was going to walk? I mean my sister dropped me off, wouldn’t it make sense she would pick me up?”

She just grins as she walks to Levi’s door and opens it without knocking. He’s lying on the couch with his ankles crossed on one of the armrests. “Hey hon, I’m taking this little scamp home.”

He popped up throwing an arm over the back of the couch. “No Hanji, I need you here to take the calls if the phone rings. Besides he’s in great shape, he’ll be fine walking.” How did everyone know I was going to walk?

“Levi.” She rolled her eyes giggling. “The office is closed, all the calls go to the answering machine now.”

He fixed her with a pointed stare. “What’s the real motivation here, Hanj?”

“You know I never reveal my secrets!” She bouncing now. “Let’s go Eren, he’s not going to stop me.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once in the car Hanji asks “So what do you think of him? I’m always interested to hear people’s first reaction to Levi.”

“Is that why you’re giving me a ride? So you can find out what I think of him?”

“No, I’m giving you a ride ‘cause you’re a sweetie and you put up with Levi’s crap well today.”

“So you give a ride to all of his patients?”

“Nope! You’re special! Now stop dodging the question. What do you think of Levi?”

“Oh um—He’s abrasive and really rude actually. I’m having a hard time believing that he cares about his patients.”

Hanji giggles. “Well, he doesn’t care about most of them. But some, some are _special_.” She glances at me and smiles. I feel like I missed something.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Sure thing sweetie!”

“Are you and Dr. Levi dating?”

Hanji didn’t respond right away, she was too busy laughing. “Ooh no, nice try but no. Levi’s not really umm…he’s not really interested in me.” She barely got the last sentence out before erupting in another bout of laughter. We didn’t talk the rest of the drive; every now and then she would start laughing again and have to wipe back her tears.

Again I feel like I missed something.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weekly Update! (I think I'll put chapter 5 up today too.) I planned to do the update on Tuesday because that's when Eren's appointments take place in the fic, but I fell asleep. I'll do better next week.

“You’re late.” Levi snarled as he stood in the reception area tapping his foot. I glance down at my phone to see I’m only late by five minutes.

I shoot Levi a look that says ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ but apologize anyway. “I’m sorry. I had to run here from school because I can’t drive and Mikasa had to take the car home before my mom noticed it was gone.”

Hanji chimed in. “You’re fine sweetie! Levi was already nervous about your appointment and then you were late by a few minutes so he starting worrying that you might not show up at all. He’s been pacing for the last twenty minutes.” Levi glared at her just like he had last week. I wonder if that’s a normal thing for him.

“I wasn’t nervous, Hanji.” He didn’t deny being worried though. “Eren and I just have a lot to talk about today so I wanted to get started as soon as possible but then this dick-weed shows up late. That’s why I was pacing.” Levi glanced at the receptionist one last time before he walked into his office.

I start to follow him but I hear Hanji run out from behind her desk. Her arms wrap around me before I can even turn around. “Thanks for coming back, kid.” She whispers in my ear.

“Are you two done having your little moment? Did I or did I not just mention how we have a lot to do today?” With that Hanji releases me with a push toward Levi’s office.

Upon entering, I notice Levi isn’t in his chair; he’s standing at the door holding it open and looking at me with that bored expression I can only assume is his resting face. “Sit.”

I head to the couch wondering if this is how his appointments normally go. Was last time an abnormal visit? Or does Levi just feel like being a gentleman today? Levi slowly closes the door behind me and I swear I can hear the soft click of the lock being turned.

He comes around from behind the couch to stand in front of me; not to go sit in his chair I notice. Levi lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through his hair before he moves. In the blink of an eye, he is a foot from my face propped up by one hand on the armrest and the other on the back of the couch. He’s so close I can hear his heart beating. Or is that my heart beating?

I feel like I should be scared but I’m not. How could I be scared of someone this…beautiful? Can a man be beautiful? Levi looked feminine before but up close I can see the fine details. His eyes aren’t just grey like I previously thought, they’re more of a slate with just a tinge of blue toward the center. His lashes are long and dark. And his skin, his skin looks so smooth with its clear complexion. Finally his lips, which despite being relatively thin look full and soft. Levi noticed me examining his features but didn’t let on until I got to his lips where he threw me a smirk.

Wait! Why am I examining him at all? And why is my heart beating like this? Maybe I really am scared of him, or maybe I don’t like the idea of being trapped between him and the couch.

“What did she tell you?” Levi said softly but with enough edge he could maintain the fear I was now sure I felt.

“What did who tell me?”

“Don’t play stupid kid; it’s not a good color on you.” I still don’t understand so Levi sighs and glances up at the door. “Hanji.”

“When? Just now in the lobby?”

“Okay, I’m about ten seconds from hitting you.”

“I haven’t talked to Hanji other than in the lobby.” And then it clicked. “Oh! You mean when she drove me home?” Levi tapped a slender finger on his nose indicating I was right. “No-nothing. We didn’t talk very much actually.”

“Bullshit!” My eyes widened. I don’t know what to say when what I’d told him was the truth. “Hanji can’t go two minutes without saying something. Just tell me everything she told you!” Levi yelled emphasizing his request by smacking the armrest. This is the first time I’ve seen Levi lose his composure. Why is this so important to him?

“Well she started by asking me what I thought of you.” I’m looking at my lap fiddling with my fingers. “And then she…”

“Wait, what do you think of me?” I glance up to see him staring at me with his head cocked to the side. I try to look back down at my lap but his hand catches my chin and forces my head up to face him.

“I-I thought you were a little rude and abrupt.” My eyes jump around to other points in the room so I don’t have to look at him. His hand may be holding my head in place but he can’t stop me from avoiding his eyes.

“Fucking brat.” Levi snaps.

“Yo-you’re scaring me.” The words came out so faint even I could barely hear them and I hoped Levi couldn’t.

He did. Something flickered across his expression for a moment. His hand was off my face and into my hair in an instant ruffling it. “I don’t want to scare you kid I just really need to know what you two talked about.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to know how much damage control is needed in this situation.”

I’m confused but it doesn’t matter, I want to give him what he needs. “Hanji and I talked about how you don’t care about most of your patients but that some are special and you care about them. She means the girl you told me about right?” Levi just stares at me. “And then umm I asked her if you uh you…”

“Spit it out kid!” I flinched. “It’s okay, I promise I won’t be mad. Just tell me what you asked her.”

“I asked if you were dating her.” Levi raised his eyebrows prompting me to continue. “She laughed at that and told me you weren’t interested in her.”

“Shit. Fucking four-eyes.” Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Eren, why do you think I’m not interested in her?”

“Well you can’t date patients so I guess I thought you couldn’t date employees either. Is that right?”

“I knew you were smart kid.” Levi ruffled my hair one last time before he returned to his armchair.

“So, how much damage control do you need to do?”

“None.” Levi chuckled. “Hanji is so fucking cryptic that I shouldn’t have been worried.”

“I thought I figured it out though, why you’re not interested in Hanji.”

He just smirked. “Do you want to get started with your actual appointment now?” I nod. “I never start a patient out talking about the heavy stuff, so we can start with how your first week of school was if you want.”

“That sounds good.” Levi crosses his legs and settles into the chair. I’d hoped he would prompt me but he just sits there staring at me. “Umm, I don’t really know where to start. Do I just rattle off whatever comes to mind? Or do you comment on things?”

He sighs, already tired of our conversation. “Usually I give my patients a topic to talk about, like I just did, then they respond with personal stories or feelings on said topic. I will occasionally interject comments or questions that will prompt you to think about what you’re feeling. So in this situation, I asked you to talk about your first week of school. Now you run down the key events of what happened. Should be easy, even for you.”

“I kicked a kid in the nuts and ran home on the first day.” I announce.

Levi tried to hide a smirk behind his hand as he wiped his face. “What a dick. Why’d you kick him?”

“He was talking about banging my sister.”

“I can’t blame the guy; your sister sounded hot on the phone. I can imagine some fantastic phone sex with her.” He didn’t try to hide his cocky grin this time and it pisses me off but his comment doesn’t. For some reason I don’t think he means it.

“And when I got home I poured myself a shot.” I continued.

“Eren.” I’d already been looking at Levi but he got my full attention when he said my name. “Do you drink a lot?”

“No, first time actually.”

“Don’t ever do it again.” His tone was stern and I knew there was more behind that comment than just prevention of underage drinking.

“All teenagers drink.” I retort. “Besides, I’m free to do what I want when I turn 21.”

“Not even then Eren. Promise me you won’t ever have another sip of alcohol.” I can sense Levi getting frustrated.

“I don’t even know you. Why would I promise to give up something that helps me forget my problems for you?”

“Alcohol will only make your problems worse in the end. You don’t understand that because you’re too young so take my word for it.” Levi made it clear that was his last comment on the subject but I still refuse to promise him that. “We’re almost out of time. Did anything else happen at school that you want to talk about?”

That reminded me. “Oh yeah! I met someone.”

Levi’s eyes widened ever so slightly as he raised his eyebrows. “Did you now?”

“Yup! His name is Armin.”

“You’re gay?” He questioned.

I glance to the side realizing I’d used the wrong phrase. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant like, I made a friend I guess. I don’t know if we are friends though. We talk all the time at school, he walks me to my classes and sits with me at lunch so I won’t be alone.” I pause when Levi’s jaw tightens. “But, I don’t know if we’re friends. I’ve never had very many so I’m not good at recognizing friendship.” I can feel myself rambling.

“Maybe you should bring him in next week. It’s my job to notice the little things about people. If I see you two interact I could tell if you’re friends or not.”

“That’d be great!” I chirp.

“Next week then.” Levi says as he gets up out of the armchair. “I’m sorry I wasted so much of our time today interrogating you. I’ll make this a free visit since you didn’t get to talk about yourself much.”

“I don’t mind paying.” I stand up only to be pushed back down by Levi as he walks past me to the door.

“Wait here a minute.”

Levi exits into the lobby and I immediately run to the door to press my ear against it hoping to find out why I wasn’t allowed to hear their conversation. I listen hard but can’t make out any words, I can’t even hear anything. That is until the door flies open, hitting me in the head, then all I can hear is my ear ringing.

“Shitty brat. Were you trying to eavesdrop? I told you the door is soundproof, that means both ways.” I glare up at him from the floor rubbing my ear. “Aw poor baby.” Levi says mockingly as he strokes my hair. “Do you need daddy to kiss it?” At first I thought he was making fun at my lack of father but I quickly realize he was referring to himself. Levi bends down and presses a soft kiss into my hair. “There is that better? Now go on, get out of here.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So why did Levi want you to drive me home?” I ask coolly.

Hanji glances at me with a raised eyebrow. “Why do you think he _asked_ me to drive you?”

“He went into the lobby to talk to you but didn’t want me to hear. Then you announce you’re taking me home, it’s a little curious don’t you think?”

“Hmm…” Hanji hummed tapping a finger on her chin. “It could look that way. But we could have talked about something else…”

“Like what?”

“He could have asked me not to charge you for this visit, since I send out the bills.” She couldn’t have known we’d talked about that unless he told her. “Or he could have chastised me for that little chat you and I had in the car last week.” Okay, that one she could have guessed we talked about. “Or maybe Levi’s just excited to meet your friend Armin.” Levi wasn’t in the lobby that long; how could she know all of the stuff we’d talked about today?

I sit in silence realizing Levi was right when he said Hanji was cryptic.

“Have you ever heard of a Freudian slip, Eren?”

“I remember it being mentioned in a psychology class I took in middle school, but I don’t remember what it means.”

“A Freudian slip is when a person accidently says something but what they say is actually the truth being released by their subconscious.” Hanji looks at me to make sure I’m following, I am. “Levi told me about your friend Armin and how he is coming to your next appointment. He also told me how you brought up Armin in conversation. You introduced him with ‘I met someone’, most people say that when they are dating someone.”

“I just misspoke, Hanji.” I defend.

“You say that but I work for a psychiatrist, I know some psychological quirks and the Freudian slip is one of them. I’m a nice person Eren, you know that. And you know I would never judge you, right?” I nod slowly, worried about where this conversation is headed. “I have to ask Eren, are you gay?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where my little story picks up speed. Levi and Armin meet, causing a bit of tension in the office. Oh and the last part of this chapter is told in Levi's point of view after Eren's appointment is over, so keep that in mind.

“You know Eren.” Armin says picking at the crust on his pizza. “We live pretty close to each other and the school is within walking distance.” I look up at him from my chicken nuggets and tater tots. “I don’t know, I guess I was wondering if maybe you wanted to walk to school together.” He pauses. “I’m sorry, it’s a stupid idea. Forget I said anything.”

“Armin, why do you always do that? You have an idea and immediately call it stupid; none of your ideas are stupid.”

He blushes and looks down at the table. “So do you want to walk together then?”

“Sure! Mikasa always gets mad at me in the mornings for being slow anyway, now she won’t need to wait for me.”

“Great!” Armin reaches across the table and grabs a tater tot from my plate. I look up at him questioningly. “Oh sorry. Can I have one of your tater tots?” I nod subconsciously.

I feel so out of it; I know I need to ask Armin to come with me to see Levi but he doesn’t even know I’m seeing a psychiatrist and I don’t know how to bring it up. “You okay?” He asks. Now’s as good a time as any.

“Will you come with me somewhere?”

“I’d go anywhere with you.” He’s already reaching down to pack up his backpack.

“No, not now. Next Tuesday.”

“Oh okay.” Armin giggles rubbing the back of his head. “Where are we going?”

“Please don’t think I’m a nutcase when I tell you… I see a psychiatrist.” I shut one eye waiting for a reaction that doesn’t come so I continue. “And I was wondering if you could go with me next week.”

“Of course I’ll go with you. Thanks for inviting me.” He sounds so excited.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Welcome back, Eren” Levi greets me us with a smile. That’s new. Levi never smiles, he smirks occasionally but that’s only when he’s making fun of me. “And you must be Armin.” He says turning to look at the little blond standing next to me.

“Nice to meet you…” Armin reaches out to shake Levi’s hand.

“Levi.”

“Hey! How come he doesn’t have to call you Dr. Levi?” I question.

“I’m not his doctor, stupid.” Ah, we’re back to the old Levi.

Once in his office I head to the couch, Armin follows. I sit in my normal spot and Armin chooses to sit right beside me even though the couch is huge. He picks his feet up off the floor and curls them up beside himself on the couch. Levi glances down at us as he walks over to the table in the corner that I hadn’t noticed before. “Armin, would you like some tea? I don’t like coffee so I don’t have any on hand but I could send Hanji to the store if you’d like that instead.”

“Tea is fine, thank you.” Armin seems comfortable.

“Why didn’t you offer me tea?” I’m starting to get frustrated. It feels like he’s ignoring me.

“Do you like tea?” Levi asks monotone.

I squirm on the couch. “I don’t think so, I’ve never had any but it doesn’t smell good.” Levi doesn’t respond he just picks up the two cups of tea he’d made and gives one to Armin before he sits down.

“This is really good Levi!” Armin chirps. “Do you want to try it, Eren?” He’s already pushing the cup in my face. I take the cup from Armin and tip it up to take a sip; I look up from the cup just in time to see Levi’s eyes widen as he stares at me.

“It’s not bad.” I say so I won’t offend Levi. “But I think I’ll stick to my coffee.” Levi pushes out of his chair and leaves the room only to return a few seconds later. “What was that about?” I ask.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says to me as he passes the couch but he’s not looking at me. Levi’s looking directly at Armin but waits to speak until he is back in his armchair. “So Armin, you met Eren at school right?”

Armin sets his cup down on the coffee table in front of us. “No actually, I ran into him at the mall like a week before school started. He was wearing the school’s hoodie but I knew I hadn’t seen him around before so I introduced myself.”

“Is that the real reason you introduced yourself?” Levi asked, eyes narrowing.

“What, I can’t be friendly to new students?” Armin shot back.

“You can. I just don’t think that was your reasoning behind what you did.” I’m completely lost but it doesn’t sound like Armin is.

“You know what I think. I think you need to stop projecting your own feelings onto my situation.” Levi drew back like he’d burned himself on his tea.

We all sat in an awkward silence for the next few minutes until a loud knock on the door broke through and startled all of us. Armin jumped and his hand latched onto mine. Hanji opened the door and Levi met her at the entrance. “Thanks Hanj.” He said shutting the door.

“Here Eren. You don’t like tea so Hanji went out and got you a cup of coffee.” Levi looks down at me then his gaze shifts to where Armin’s hand is still gripping mine. He lowers the cup down to me by the lid which falls off immediately, pouring scalding hot coffee onto my shirt.

I jump up off the couch. “Holy fucking shit that’s hot!” I say, fanning my shirt away from my skin. Remembering I’m not supposed to swear in here I clamp a hand over my mouth.

“It’s okay this one time, kid.” Levi grabs my hand like he does it every day. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.” As he pulls me out the door he throws a quick smirk over his shoulder, it could have been for me but I’m pretty sure it was for Armin.

The next thing I know we’re out at Levi’s car, he’d held my hand until we’d reached the front door to the office complex where he dropped it and headed outside. “I should have something for you to use in here. I have to change at work sometimes when I’m running late. Here.” An oversized black hoodie flies out of the backseat hitting me in the face. “You can wear this, none of my t-shirts will fit you so that’s going to have to do.”

We head back into the office complex and find the nearest bathroom to slip into. I do an awkward shuffle once the door closes, there aren’t any stalls for me to change in and Levi is just standing in front of me with his arms crossed. “What are you waiting for? Change.” Levi orders me.

“But there aren’t any stalls.”

“Do you need one?”

“You want me to change in front of you?”

“It’s just a shirt you little shit. It’s not like I’m asking you to take your pants off.” Levi closes the distance between us and tugs at my t-shirt, pulling it over my head. This looks so wrong and I feel like I should be uncomfortable but I’m not. Levi folds my shirt so the coffee stain is buried in the middle of the fabric then tosses it onto his shoulder. I fidget with the hoodie in my hand, feeling like I should be putting it on, but not wanting to.

Levi looks down at my hands acknowledging what I’m thinking. “Don’t put the sweatshirt on yet, you’re still sticky.” He walks to the sink and pulls a few paper towels out of the dispenser and dampens them. Levi comes back over to me, looking me in the eyes he hooks two fingers through one of my belt loops to hold me still as he rubs the paper towel across my chest and stomach.

Levi stops wiping me off but continues to stand in front of me holding me close to him. “It doesn’t look like it burned you.” He says as he pulls his eyes away from my skin to look up at me. When he catches my eye something flickers across his expression and he steps back.

“What are you waiting for, get dressed. We need to get back to Armin.”

“Thanks for the hoodie.” I say as I pull it over my head. I hear the door open while my head’s still inside the fabric. When I pop my head out the top Levi’s already gone. I walk back to the office confused about pretty much everything that just happened.

Hanji laughs when I walk through the door to the reception area. “Oh Levi, you could try to be a little more subtle.” I’m not an idiot, so why do I not understand anything that’s happening today?

Then she wraps her arms around me. “I’m so glad you’re alright sweetie! I was so worried.”

“No need to worry, I’m fine…Hanji are you pinching me?” I say noticing the pain that’s coming from the side of my neck.

“Why would I pinch you?” The squeezing gets harder.

“Ow! Hanji stop!” She lets go and I stare at her.

“Sorry, I just get so excited sometimes. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Oh, it looks like I gave you a bruise. I really am sorry.”

I head back to Levi’s office rubbing my neck and return to my seat next to Armin.

“Eren!” Armin squeaks, noticing the bruise.

“Eren.” I turn my attention to Levi. “Hanji got herself a coffee when she went out for yours. She feels bad you burned yourself so she’s letting you have it. I left it on the coffee table for you.” I pick up the drink off the table and sip it. “Armin, since you’re taking Eren under your wing, have you taken him around school and introduced him to other people yet?”

“Well no, not really. I was trying to let him settle in here first.”

“It think it might be nice for him to get to know other people.”

“You think so?” Armin turns his attention to me. “There’s a party at Marco’s tonight. I was going to go by myself but now that I think about it, it would be a good time to meet everyone.”

Levi interrupted. “You guys are having a party on a Tuesday?”

Armin glanced over at him. “We don’t have school tomorrow.” Then looked back at me. “Do you want to go?”

“I’ve never been invited to a party before so sure!”

“Give me your hand.” I hold it out palm up. Armin grabs a pen off the coffee table. “Here’s my number, Eren. I’ll write my address too. Just come by my house at 9 and we can head over together.”

“A party might not be the best place for everyone to meet him.” Levi mumbled under his breath.

“And why is that?” Armin retorted.

“It’s just this kid is a spitfire. It’ll only take one bad comment to set him off and then he’s beating some kid up in front of the whole school.” I want to deny that that would happen but I can’t.

“He’ll be okay, I’ll be with him the whole night. He won’t get in any fights with me around.”

“It’s like you don’t know him at all.” Levi chuckled.

“I know him better than you!” Armin shot back. I turn to look out the windows feeling a little awkward sitting here while they talk about me.

“That may be true. But…” Levi sounded smug and out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking at my bruise. I heard Armin gasp next to me.

“Levi, it was really nice to meet you.” Armin’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. “But Eren and I should probably get going. The party starts in a couple hours.” With that he stood up, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the door only for us to be stopped by Levi whose hand is now gripping my shoulder.

He looks past me to Armin. “I just need to speak with him a moment, then he’s all yours.” Armin turned with a huff and exited into the lobby.

“Eren.” Levi grabbed my hand and placed a small piece of paper on my palm. “Call me later tonight and I’ll tell you if you and Armin are friends.” I look down at the paper in my hand then curl my fingers around it.

“Okay.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Levi_

Hanji enters my office after the brat left the building. “You got it bad, Levi. Real bad.”

“Shut up Hanji, you know it isn’t like that.”

“No I don’t. What I know is that you messed with that little blond kid by teasing him with Eren and then letting his imagination do the rest. Don’t you think that might backfire Levi?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I shoot back.

“Tell me why you sent me to get him coffee.”

I sigh and roll my eyes at her. I know Hanji too well at this point and I know she isn’t going to let this go anytime soon. So fine, I’ll play along. “Eren doesn’t like tea. I’d offered Armin some, Eren didn’t want any and I felt bad I didn’t have a drink to give him.” I stare at her hoping she won’t question it.

“So you offered Eren some, he said no and you came running to me to me to buy him coffee. Is that right?” And she questioned it.

“More or less.”

“Which one is it Levi? Is there more to this story or less?”

I grumble as I comb my fingers through my hair. “Armin offered the cup he drank off of to Eren so he could try the tea.”

“And it made you jealous.” Hanji purred.

“Get out Hanji. I can’t talk to you when you do this.” I say as I get up and walk to the bank of windows lining the wall.

Of course she doesn’t leave. “Levi, I’ve never seen you this worked up. Why did the little blondie get you so upset?”

“Eren doesn’t know if he’s gay or not, right? He dodged the question when you asked him too.” Hanji nods. “Well at the rate Armin’s going, they’ll be in a relationship before Eren even realizes what his sexuality is!” I snap.

Hanji comes up from behind and wraps her arms around me, I normally hate hugs but I let it slide just this once. “Does that make you angry because you want Eren to figure his sexuality out on his own? Or is it because you don’t want him dating the little blond?”

“Hanji, stop trying to play Dr. Phil. That’s my job.”

She releases me from the hug with a giggle and returns to her seat on the couch. “So you bought Eren the coffee because Armin was trying to claim him. Why did you pour it on him?”

“I knew you would figure that out.” I chuckle.

“You don’t make mistakes like that Levi, it had to be on purpose. So why’d you do it?”

“I wasn’t originally planning on pouring it on him but as I went to give it to Eren I noticed Armin was holding his hand. Eren wasn’t doing anything to shake him off, so either he didn’t notice or he didn’t care. But I felt like Armin was taking advantage of the situation so I had to make him move. It was easy enough to make it look like an accident; just pick the cup up by the lid and squeeze ever so slightly, the top pops right off.”

“Then you made a point of taking Eren’s hand to make Armin jealous.” I just smirk, the girl knows me too well. “You made sure he took a long time getting changed.” Hanji paused. “I’m curious, how’d you make him take so long?”

“That one I won’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

She continues her analysis knowing I really won’t tell her my secret. “Then you come running into the office and ask me to pinch the hell out of the Eren’s neck to the point it would bruise, which I hated doing by the way, so it would look like he had a hickey. All of that to get Armin’s imagination going and piss him off.”

“Yeah and it worked!” I was proud of myself for that one.

“But don’t you think the hoodie was a little obvious?”

“What?” I shrug.

“‘Levi’s’ really? As in the jean brand. Why do you even have that hoodie?

“It has my name on it. Besides Eren didn’t seem to notice what it said. I would have had some explaining to do if he had.”

“So letting Armin imagine what you two had done while you were gone wasn’t enough, you had to make one final statement that said Eren was yours.” I nod, still proud of what I’d accomplished today. “And you’re still going to sit here and deny you have feelings for the ‘brat’.”

I toss my head back. “Hanji you know I hate it when people say ‘you have feelings for someone’, its bullshit. Do I find the kid attractive? Fuck yes I do, and you know it. And if we were in any other circumstance I would have already bent the kid over. But he had to be my fucking patient, the one thing that’s off limits.”

“If you only wanted to fuck him then you wouldn’t have done what you did today. You wouldn’t have made a point of claiming him.”

“Are you done trying to make something out of nothing Hanji? Because I’d like to go home.”

“One last thing. You say he’s off limits but you don’t believe that.”

“How do you come to that conclusion?” I sigh.

“You gave him your phone number.” Hanji said with confidence.

“So…? He’s going to call me later so I can tell him if Armin is his friend or not; I don’t know how I’m going to answer that one though.”

“Levi, you could have told him right here in the office earlier, but no. You needed an opportunity to give Eren your phone number, and that was the perfect one. I think you’re still hoping to find a way around the rules.”

“That’s ridiculous Hanji.” I get up from my chair and head for the door. Thankfully she doesn’t stop me. I make it all the way to my car before the seriousness of the situation kicks in. I just indirectly sent Eren to a party with a little pissed off gay who is going to feel the need to reclaim Eren as his own.

I rest my head on the steering wheel feeling less proud of what I’d accomplished today. I glance over at the passenger seat where Eren’s t-shirt lies; for some reason I’d brought it out here after I left the bathroom earlier. Maybe Hanji was right, maybe I was hoping I could find a way around the rules.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tuesday Update! Only thing I have to say is: please don't hate me for how I portrayed Armin in this chapter.

“I’m going to that party too.” Mikasa announced when I told her about my plans for the night.

“Who invited you?”

“Jean.” She says casually as she fixes her eyeliner.

“No Mikasa. Absolutely not. You can’t go if he’s the one who invited you. Have you forgotten what he said about you?”

“No I haven’t, but I’ve been talking to him for the past week and there’s more to him than you realize.” Mikasa moved to her lips, putting on her bright red lipstick.

“That doesn’t change the fact he wants to hook up with you and this party is the perfect opportunity.”

“Actually, it does. Jean’s interested in someone else at the moment. He only said that in class because everyone else was and he thought it was funny how it was bothering you. Now.” She smacked her lips for emphasis. “Do you want me to drive you to this party or not?” Our mom is out of town for the week so we have full control of the car.

“Sure.” I sigh, accepting the fact I can’t talk her out of this. “But we need to pick someone up first.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We pull up to Armin’s an hour later to find him sitting on the porch steps. I check my phone, we’re five minutes early but the way he’s sitting there makes me feel like he’s been waiting a while.

“Hey.” He mumbles as he gets in the back seat.

“Hey Armin.” Mikasa says looking in the rearview mirror to look at him. She then turns to tell me, “He’s in my English class.”

I turn around in the passenger seat to look at him, he looks upset and slightly pissed off. “Do you want me to sit back there with you?”

“No. And not to be rude but can we just not talk until we get there?”

“Sure.” I grumble as I turn back around in my seat.

Marco’s house isn’t that far from Armin’s so we get there in a matter of minutes. The second Mikasa has the car in park, Armin is out and making a beeline for the house.

“Why’s he so pissed off?” Mikasa asks nudging my arm.

“I don’t know but I have a feeling I’m going to get to hear about it.” I’m interrupted by a knock on the car window. It’s Jean; he must have seen us pull up. Mikasa jumps out of the car and gives him a hug before following him toward the house.

Once inside I look for Armin since he’s the only one I know here besides my sister. I walk through room after room shoving random strangers out of doorways then finally stumble upon the kitchen where Armin stands at the island with a cup in his hand. “What the hell? Why’d you just ditch us?” I yell, not caring about any of the other people in the room. I doubt they’re listening to me anyway.

“I needed a drink before I talked to you.” I try to catch a glimpse of what’s in his cup, although I’m sure I know what it is.

“I didn’t know you drank.” Armin doesn’t seem like a person that would like to get wasted.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me. Here.” He twists the top off a beer and hands it to me. “You’re going to need it.”

I look down at the beer in my hand remembering Levi’s warning about alcohol making situations worse. “Umm I don’t…”

“What? You don’t drink?” Armin asks as he takes another swig from his cup.

“Well I did once but I’m not going to do it again.”

“Why? There’s probably a reason, so what is it?” I think Armin might be an angry drunk.

“I promised someone. Well actually I didn’t really promise, it was more of an unspoken understanding.”

Armin’s eyes narrow and he tilts his head to the side. “Who Eren? Who did you ‘promise’?”

It doesn’t sound like he was going to back down. “Levi.” I say reluctantly.

Armin runs a hand down his face. “Of course. Could’ve guessed that one.” He glances down at the drink in my hand. “Drink it Eren.”

“I said I didn’t want to.”

“Don’t you care about me at all, Eren?” Armin whimpers.

“Of course I do! You’ve been so nice to me since the beginning!”

“Then drink it, for me.” I tip the bottle up instantly, chugging the whole thing before I slam it down on the counter and stare at him unblinking. “Thank you.”

“Can you tell me why you’re acting strange now?”

“How do you think your appointment went today?” He answered my question with a question. I hate it when people do that.

“Pretty well. It was kind of weird and I feel like I missed a lot but for the most part I think it went well.”

“That’s why I’m upset. You didn’t see any of it.” Armin confessed, putting his palms on the island and leaning against it.

“I’m tired of being lost today, can you just tell me what you’re talking about.”

“Levi. You didn’t see how he was acting towards you.” He snapped.

“What? The way he calls me brat and stuff? He always does that, I think it’s just his personality. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” I brush off Armin’s concern.

“No Eren. I’m talking about the way he looks at you like you’re a piece of meat. The way he sent his receptionist out to buy you a cup of coffee. The way he purposely spilled it on you so he could get you to take your shirt off.” He shouting at me and people are starting to stare.

“Whoa Armin calm down!” I say waving my hands. “First off, he doesn’t look at me like that. I don’t even know how you see that. Second, he offered to send Hanji to get you coffee too but you declined. Third, he didn’t purposely spill it on me, it was an accident.”

“Okay, if that’s all true, explain to me why he branded you.”

“What?”

“Are you going to tell me you never looked at the sweatshirt he gave you?” I look down to see the ‘Levi’s’ jean logo in large red letters plastered on my chest.

I laugh; I know I shouldn’t have but I did. “It’s a fucking logo Armin. Tell me you don’t have any shirts with brand names on them.”

“I do. The only difference is none of them are my name; and even if they were, I sure as hell wouldn’t give them to someone I know to wear. He labeled you as his Eren, why can’t you see that?”

“Give me another drink; you we’re right I do need it.” Armin starts to reach for another beer. “I’m having a hard time putting up with your shit right now.” The second the words left my mouth Armin stared at me then he turned to the counter behind him. He had his back to me for a couple seconds, when he turned around he was holding two shot glasses filled with what I can only assume is vodka.

Not really what I wanted but it’ll work. I tip back the shot and put the glass back on the counter. “If you’re right about this.” I gesture to Levi’s hoodie. “Why do you think he felt the need to label me?”

Armin ran a finger around the rim of his glass. “He probably was jealous; I mean we’re pretty close, he probably felt threatened.” He sounds so calm now, it’s like he’s not even mad.

I furrow my brow. “What would he have to be jealous of? We’re both guys.”

“God Eren you didn’t see that either? Are you kidding me or are you really that oblivious?” I just look at him; he just insulted me and honestly it’s starting to piss me off. “Levi is so obviously gay.”

“No he’s not.” I scoff.

“So you’re going to stand here and tell me you two didn’t go make out somewhere after he poured coffee on you?” Armin’s shouting again.

I’m completely dumbfounded. “Of course we didn’t go make out. He’s not gay!”

“Oh, then I bet you have a great explanation for the hickey he gave you.” I’m look around at the people who are starting to focus on our conversation. Being labeled as gay before I even know these people is the last thing I need.

“Armin shut up!” I snap. “He didn’t give me a hickey.”

Armin laughs. The laugh sounds happy enough but I can see the darkness in his eyes. “That’s funny, Eren. Because it kind of looks like he did.” I remember the bruise on my neck as I watch Armin pour two more shots.

“What the bruise? It’s not a hickey! Hanji gave me this when I came back from the bathroom, she pinched the shit out of me.”

I tip the second shot back as Armin speaks. “She pinched you?” His eyes narrow. “Why do you think she did that?”

“She fucking weird, does she need a reason to do anything?”

“Levi came back before you. He must’ve told her to do that so it would look like he’d given you a hickey.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Eren focus. He was trying to send the message that you’re his. He thinks I’m a threat, so he tried to scare me off by making it look like you two were already together.” Armin lets out a soft sigh. “It all makes sense now. So just making sure, you’re not dating him right?”

I can feel the vodka sinking in, I’m starting to relax. “Armin, I just found out he’s gay. How could I date him before now? Besides all psychiatrists have a rule where they can’t date patients.”

There’s disbelief in his eyes. “Levi told you that and you didn’t question his sexuality.”

I shrug and laugh. “What can I say?”

“I don’t want you to go see him anymore.” I’m done laughing. The vodka may be working but I haven’t thrown all thought out the window yet.

“Armin, you don’t decide that kind of stuff for me. I make my own decisions.”

“Eren, he was willing to use you to scare me off. Doesn’t that worry you? He would use you to accomplish what he wants.” Armin sounds serious and completely focused. How can he handle his alcohol this well? I’m starting to lose it a little bit.

“I don’t mind being used.” Where did that come from?

“Eren.” Armin sighs and pours me another shot. I know it’s a bad idea but I pick up the shot anyway and toss it back. “You should mind.”

I lean against the counter trying to hold myself up. “Why should I? If I let people use me then they’ll like me.” My filter is gone. The things I think in my head are now flowing freely out of my mouth.

“No, if you let people use you then they’ll walk all over you. You should surround yourself with people who like you for your personality.” Armin looks at my hand on the counter then reaches down to put his on top of it.

“Why do you do that?” I slur. “Why do you always grab my hand?”

“Because I’m one of those people who likes you for your personality, Eren.” I smile at our hands, happy I have someone who likes me. “Come with me.” Armin walks around the island then grabs my hand again, lacing his fingers with mine.

He pulls me towards the front of the house and up the stairs. I stagger behind him gripping the handrail for support. We head down a hall and Armin opens the door to a random bedroom. I quickly pull my hand from his. “What are you doing?” I shout.

“Showing you that I like your personality.” He looks so innocent, like he didn’t just get me wasted and drag me up to a bedroom. I was wrong; Armin’s not an angry drunk, he’s a horny drunk.

“I’m not gay, Armin.”

“Let’s test the theory.” He says biting his lip as he pulls me into the bedroom and shuts the door behind us, innocence gone.

I turn to stare at him with wide eyes. “First let’s take off that hideous hoodie.” He grabs the bottom and pulls it over my head. “Now go sit on the bed.” I follow his orders and climb onto the bed, sitting with my back against the headboard. I feel completely out of control of my actions. Armin follows me but sits on the end of the bed.

“Eren, I’m not going to do anything to hurt you. I just need to know if you’re gay and I didn’t think you would answer me even if I asked, so I figured this was a good option. If you object to anything tell me and I’ll stop okay?” I nod, trying to process everything that is happening.

My nod was all Armin needed. In a matter of seconds he was shirtless and on his knees straddling me. “Still good?” He asks.

“Mhmm.” That’s all my drunken mind can think of.

With that Armin leans down and presses his lips to mine, I just sit there not sure of what I’m supposed to do. Armin deepens the kiss flicking his hot tongue into my mouth as he slides his body down mine until he’s sitting in my lap. “Are you a virgin?” I nod, slightly embarrassed. “Great, then you’ll think of me every time.”

Armin stops talking; he just looks at me and smirks as he begins slowly rocking his hips into mine. I immediately look down and he giggles. The rocking quickly turns into grinding as he returns to kissing me. I can already feel my pants tightening and judging by Armin’s response, he feels it too.

“I knew you were gay!” He cries. The mood suddenly changes; Armin bites and tugs at my lip eliciting a moan from my throat. He takes it as permission to continue; he travels down my chest planting little kisses as he makes his way to my nipple. Damn, I really want to get out of these jeans.

“Tell me you won’t go back to Levi’s office.” Armin mumbles as his tongue traces warm circles around my nipple. Levi. I look at the sweatshirt with his name on it resting on the floor and sit up.

“No Armin, I won’t tell you that.”

He pulls his mouth off my chest to stare at me. Then presses hard against me and grinds once more. “Tell me.”

I may be drunk but I know I don’t want this. “Stop.” I shout.

“Stop asking you that or stop this?”

“Stop this Armin.” He does, like he said he would. “I want to go home.” I whimper.

Armin gets off the bed and tosses me my sweatshirt. “Go home then.” With that Armin’s gone and I’m sitting alone in some stranger’s bedroom.

I can feel my nose starting to run so I sniff a couple times. It isn’t long until tears begin to form, I just sit on the bed crying out of confusion. I need to get out of here so I pull on the hoodie and head downstairs and out the front door. Mikasa drove me here though, I can’t get home without her and I don’t want to make her leave. I go out to the curb and take a seat, pulling out my phone. I look at the time, 1:46 a.m., then make a call.

“It’s almost two in the fucking morning.” His voice sound rough, like he just got up. Of course he just got up.

“You were right.” Sniff. “Drinking does make everything worse.”

“Eren. Are you alright?” Levi sounds very awake now.

“Well kind of.” I think about it for a second. “Not really, no.”

“Where are you?” I can hear rustling on his end.

“At Marco’s house, the one with the party we were talking about earlier.”

“How did you get there?”

“My sister drove us. I don’t want to make her leave so I’m sitting outside on the curb. I’m sorry I bothered you I just wanted someone to talk to and didn’t know who to call.”

“Do you know Marco’s address?”

“No.” I cry. The tears keep streaming down my face, I try to wipe them away but they’re coming too fast.

“Shh Eren, it’s going to be okay. Can you look at Marco’s house and find me a house number.” I turn around and examine the house.

“844. I think.”

“Good. Now can you see any street signs?” I hear more background noise come from the phone.

“Umm, Shepherd Dr.”

“Eren stay on the phone with me okay?”

“Okay.” I mumbled as I sob into Levi’s sweatshirt. He keeps asking if I’m still there but he knows I am, I can imagine he could hear me sobbing.

“Get in kid.” I lift my head to see his car sitting in front of me. I climb in the passenger seat but I can’t bring myself to look at him.

I cover my face with my hands and begin sobbing again. “I’m so sorry.” I apologize between sobs.

“You have nothing to apologize for Eren.” Levi sounds sincere.

“You have work tomorrow though, and I just woke you up in the middle of the night for something stupid.”

“Are you genuinely upset?” He glances at me.

“Y-yes.”

“Then it wasn’t for something stupid. Now, where to?”

“Anywhere but home; I don’t want to be there when Mikasa gets back.” I admit.

We drive in silence for fifteen minutes until we pull into a huge driveway in front of a massive house. It’s the first time I’ve looked up from my lap since we’d stopped talking. “Where are we?” I ask still sounding weak.

“My house.” He looks at me with an unsure expression. “You didn’t want to go home. The only other place I would know to take you would be my office and it’s closed, so now we’re here. Is this okay?” I nod.

I follow Levi inside, finally able to wipe away the last tear. I never thought I could cry for fifteen minutes straight. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“No. Do you have any coffee?”

Levi sets a glass of water down in front of me on the kitchen bar. “Coffee will only make it worse, trust me.” I trace circles on the glass as Levi looks at me. “Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head. “You don’t have to then. Let’s go watch TV, try and distract to a bit so you don’t focus on whatever happened.”

We enter the den which has a couch and a loveseat both angled toward the TV. Levi takes a seat on the end of the couch closest to the loveseat. I survey my options, all of the seats seem too close to him so I opt to sit on the floor in front of the TV. I just sit here for a long time watching the pictures on the screen but I can feel Levi looking at the back of my head, why do I feel so uncomfortable around him now? Just yesterday he was ripping my shirt off in a bathroom. I squirm at the thought then say the first thing I’ve said in an hour. “Are you using me?”

I can hear Levi get up but I don’t turn around, I can’t. Apparently I didn’t need to; Levi comes over and sits down in front of me. I look at the carpet but I can see him moving his head to try and get my attention, I notice he doesn’t just grab my chin like he did before. “I would never use you Eren.”

“You used me to scare off Armin.” I snap, finally looking at him.

“Seems like you figured some stuff out. But no I didn’t use you to ‘scare off’ Armin. Can we start from the beginning so I know where you’re coming from?” Levi replies calmly.

I feel like I’m going to cry again but I want to tell him. “Armin was pissed when we picked him up. When we got to the party, he immediately started drinking. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t have it, he kept insisting I needed to drink first. I told him I wouldn’t because I promised you but he wouldn’t let it go so I chugged the beer he’d given me. Then he went off about you, explaining everything you did yesterday…” I trailed off.

“Did he say anything else?”

“He-he told me about you…your fondness of males.” I sound childish but I couldn’t care less right now.

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” He chuckles. I look at him hoping he’ll answer the unspoken question I proposed. “Yes Eren, that’s one thing your friend was right about.” I push a few more inches away from him on the carpet. He looks hurt, I regret making him look that way.

“Armin said you felt threatened by him so you used me to scare him off.”

“You want to hear my side?” I nod. “Okay, I asked you last week, when you brought Armin up in conversation, if you were gay; you dodged the question. Then Hanji asked you in the car, again you dodged the question. I was under the assumption that you didn’t know yet. Which is perfectly alright by the way.” He reassures me. “And then yesterday you stroll in with Armin who openly flaunts how he feels about you to prevent any relationship you and I might have.” I squirm. “I didn’t like the idea of Armin claiming you as his when you aren’t even sure what your sexuality is yet. That’s why I did what I did, I just wanted him to back off until you figured everything out.”

“So you were just looking out for me?”

“That’s my job isn’t it?” Levi’s comment make me sad for a reason I think I understand now. “Is that all that happened? Armin told you I was using you and you got so upset you started crying and called me to pick you up.”

“I didn’t call you to pick me up. I just wanted someone to talk to, I wish I had realized what time it was before I pressed send though.” I admit.

“I’m glad you did. If you hadn’t you would have walked away from that party hating me and I probably never would have seen you again.” He pauses and looks at the distance between us. “You don’t hate me right?”

“No of course not! After everything that happened with Armin at that party I’m having a hard time believing he wasn’t biased in his opinions.”

Levi’s expression hardened. “I don’t like the way you said ‘everything that happened’ instead of ‘everything he told me’.”

The tears well up again and I can feel their hot tracks as they run down my cheeks. “Over the course of our conversation, Armin poured me three shots of vodka to drink. I lost control toward the end and think Armin knew it because he grabbed my hand and took me upstairs.” Levi’s starting to shake his head. “He said he needed to find out if I was gay but said he would stop if I wanted him to.” I cover my face again and sob openly. “I’m just so confused.”

Levi dropped his head and brought his hands up to his face. “Eren you don’t need to tell me all the details, I just need to know if he had your consent.” I know what Levi’s asking but I want to tell him everything, so he knows exactly what happened.

“He did.” Levi’s jaw tightens. “We just made out at first but then Armin sat on my lap and started grinding. He told me I would think about him every time I got in bed with someone. Then he started playing with my nipple and he asked me to never see you again.”

Levi’s head snapped up. “He did what?”

“It wasn’t the first time he asked me that, but it was the last. I looked over at your sweatshirt on the floor and realized I didn’t want Armin. I told him to stop and he did but he got mad and stormed out of the room.”  I’m crying so hard at this point that I’m shaking.

I didn’t even notice Levi move until his arms are around me. I struggle against them for a moment but then relax into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and letting myself be enveloped by his warmth. Levi wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. “I am so sorry he put you through that.” He mumbles into my shoulder. I stay in his arms until my phone alarm goes off.

“I forgot I don’t have school today, wait is it really 6 a.m.?” Levi nods with a yawn. “When do you have to leave for work?”

“10:00” He says with another yawn. “Let’s go to bed.” My whole body tenses at the phrase.

“Eren, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.” Levi sounds completely awake again. In a normal situation he would probably stroke or ruffle my hair right now, but he keeps his hands at his sides.

Levi walks to the main staircase and heads up to his room. “You can have my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs. Do you remember how to get back to the den?” I nod. “Okay, that’s where I’ll be if you need me.” He heads for the door as I reach for his wrist.

“I feel bad I’m kicking you out of your room.” I admit.

“You’re not kicking me out, I offered remember.”

“Can…” I fidget with my fingers. “Can you umm stay in here…with me?”

“If that’s what you want. I think I have a blow up air mattress somewhere around here that I could lay on.” Levi says as he scratches his head.

“You don’t need to do that.” I stammer. “I don’t mind sh-sharing the bed with you.”

“Eren, I want you to be comfortable and I think that would make you the farthest from comfortable you could possibly be.”

“You’re probably right.” I mutter as I climb into his bed and shut my eyes. A few seconds pass and I feel the sheets pull and the other side of the mattress sink. My eyes fly open to see a very worried Levi staring at me.

“Say the word and I’ll leave.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Tuesday update! Sorry it's so late in the day, a lot of stuff came up that I had to deal with first. As for the fic: I have a sort of love/hate relationship with this chapter. I don't know why. I really like the next chapter so I'll try to put it up tonight too.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

I wake up groggy and feeling like shit but one thought rings through my mind. I’m grateful Levi stayed with me through everything last night, the last thing I want right now is to be alone. I roll over in bed to face him, only to find Levi isn’t in bed. Panic fills me instantly. I need him, I’m still so confused and he comforts me.

Calm down Eren, maybe he got up before you. The den! I throw myself out of bed and run down the stairs assuming he went to sleep on the couch after I fell asleep.

He’s not in the den. I don’t want to wander around his house, that’s such an invasion of privacy. “Levi?” I call in a hoarse voice. No answer. I’m panicking again. “Levi!” I shout.

I hear footsteps coming from the hallway and look up just in time to see Levi’s head pop around the doorjamb. “You okay?” He asks.

“I thought you left me.”

“It’s my house kid.” He chuckles, walking away. “Breakfast is ready.”

The thought of food entices me; I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday and I can smell eggs. “You didn’t need to make me food.” I’m hungry but I feel bad for putting him out.

“Don’t worry about it, I was making some for myself anyway. Sit.” Levi follows me to the table with two plates. “Has anyone called to see where you went last night?”

I pull out my phone and unlock it to check. “Shit!” Looking up from my phone I find a startled Levi staring at me. “You needed to leave by 10:00, right?” He nods and casually goes back to eating. “It’s almost 10:45!”

“I know, but we’re eating breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day you know.” He tells me with a smirk.

“No no no.” I shovel the rest of the eggs into my mouth and push away from the table. Levi watches me as I run around to where he sits and drag his chair out from under the table. “You’re not going to be late because of me. I’ve already wasted enough of your time.”

“You haven’t wasted any of my time, Eren. Calm down.” I let out a breath. “I didn’t do anything last night that I didn’t want to do. And I’m not going to be late, I was going to call in sick today.”

I grab his arm and pull him out of the chair. “No, you’re going to work today.” I drag him upstairs to his room.

“But I don’t want to.” Levi feigned a whine.

“Get dressed.” I order then wonder where that confidence came from.

Levi crosses his arms and stands in front of the bed looking at me. “No. And you can’t make me.” He emphasizes his statement with a stomp of his foot.

I laugh, it’s funny when Levi pretends to be a stubborn child. “You sure about that?” I ask playfully, moving toward him and grabbing his shirt the way he’d grabbed mine yesterday. In one swift motion I pull the shirt off and Levi looks at me with amusement in his eyes. His expression reminds me of the one Armin wore last night. I take a step back remembering everything that happened at the party; Levi’s amusement is replaced with worry in a second as he realizes what I’m thinking.

“In any other situation I would have made you finish what you started, but that would be heartless of me right now. I bet you’re really confused after last night.” He heads to the closet and pulls out a fresh polo shirt and a pair of slacks. I sit down on his bed and look down at my hands. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go change.”

“No!” I shout louder than I meant to.

“I have to change Eren, since you’re forcing me to go to work.”

“You can change in here.” I say too quickly. Levi eyebrows rise. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“He really fucked you up, didn’t he?”

“No, but he did give me a lot to think about.” Levi cringed at the thought. “I don’t hate him for doing it, is that bad?” I look up at Levi as he makes his way over to the bed and sits down.

“It’s not bad if that’s how you feel. But I am curious why you don’t hate him.”

“Well the way I see it, he just wanted to know if I was gay. Sure, he went about it the wrong way. But he didn’t completely throw my feelings out the window, he did stop when I asked him to.”

“I’m really sorry Eren. Everything that happened last night was my fault.” Levi looks like he’s going to be sick.

“How can you say that?”

“I knew how Armin felt about you, yeah I was trying to get him to back off but I took it too far. Then I indirectly sent you to the party with him where he felt the need to prove you were his. None of that would’ve happened last night if I hadn’t taken you to the bathroom and labeled you as mine.” He’s shaking his head and avoiding my eyes.

I take his chin in my hands like he did mine the other day in his office and draw his head up to face me. Levi looks like he’s on the verge of crying; I’m tired of seeing him look this upset. “Levi.” I whisper as I bring my mouth to his. His eyes snap open so I close mine and push closer to him. My hand finds its way to his hair and I twirl a strand with my fingers.

“Eren.” Levi breaks the kiss and pulls away panting. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m thanking you.” I move to kiss him again but he puts his hands on my shoulders and holds me at arm length.

“No Eren, you have nothing to thank me for. I made a mess of everything.”

“Levi, I’m gay.”

“Yeah, I see that kid.” He chuckles. “So…”

“So, I wouldn’t have figured that out if you hadn’t pushed Armin to do what he did.”

“You would have figured it out eventually; but you would’ve been able to figure it out on your own. You shouldn’t have been forced into it.”

“God only knows how long that would’ve taken though. So I’m thanking you for pushing him. And I’m thanking you for taking care of me last night.”

“You can say what you want but I’m still not going to accept your thank you.” Levi says, pushing up off the bed.

I feel like he rejected me. “Where are you going?” I ask as I notice Levi heading for the door.

“To change.” He leaves the room without waiting for me to respond. The silence that fills the room unnerves me so I get up to pace. Levi’s room is extremely clean, everything is in its place and there’s no clothes on the floor. The only thing that looks out of place is the bed which has its sheets wadded up in the center and pillows knocked everywhere. I was the last one to get out of that bed so I’m mostly responsible. I busy myself making the bed, putting it back in pristine condition. Levi still isn’t back, I walk around the room examining his bookshelf, closet and desk. Stopping at the desk, I notice the shirt I wore yesterday is folded nicely and clean.

“I’m dressed and ready for work.” Levi calls from behind me.

“What is this?” I ask holding up the t-shirt and turning to face him.

“It’s a t-shirt, what does it look like?” He brushes it off like it’s nothing.

“It’s not just _a_ t-shirt. It’s _my_ t-shirt. Why is it here?”

“This really isn’t that big a deal. I still had it on my shoulder when I left the bathroom and forgot to give it back to you before you left the office.”

I pause to think about it. “I didn’t see it in your office.”

“Well then you didn’t look very hard.” Levi sighs. “Can we go now, if I have a chance of making it to work on time then I’ve got to go.” I pull off the sweatshirt he’d given me to wear then pull on my clean t-shirt. I look at the sweatshirt I’d just discarded on the floor then pick it back up and pull it over my head. “You’re not going to wear that.”

“It’s cold out, I’m not just going to wear a t-shirt.”

“I’m not asking you to.” Levi heads to the closet and pulls out a dark brown hoodie with a zipper up the front. “That one’s dirty. You wore it all day yesterday. Now let’s go, you can change it in the car.”

“Can I go to work with you?”

Levi looks at me unsure. “Is that what you want?”

I rapidly nod; I don’t want to leave Levi’s side yet. “I don’t want to be alone remember.”

“Your sister would be home, right?”

“Yeah, probably.” Levi looks at me. “But I’d rather stay with you.”

Just then Levi’s phone rings, he pulls it out of his pocket and answers. “What? Yeah, I’m on my way.” It’s Hanji. “I know I’ve never been late before. What does it matter? You’re letting your imagination get the best of you again. Stop, stop. I’ll be there soon.” Levi pauses. “And Hanji. Not one word when I come in okay.” He immediately clicks the end button not waiting for her response.

We pull into the parking lot five minutes later at exactly 11:00, which is when the office opens. “You’re going to have to sit in the lobby while I do my appointments. You won’t be alone though, Hanji will be there the whole time.” I nod and we head into the building.

Opening the door to the reception area, Hanji stands up. “Levi! I just let your eleven o’clock into your office. You’re always here at 10:15, what’s gotten into y-…” Hanji trails off, noticing me behind Levi. “Ooh Levi! You didn’t; I mean I thought this might be it but I didn’t think you had it in you. Ooh!”

“Hanji, I told you not to say anything.” He marches off to his office and I’m left alone with Hanji.

I run behind Hanji’s desk the second Levi closes the door. “Oh sweetie you’re going to have to tell me everything because Levi’s never going to.” I sit down on the floor and proceed to tell Hanji all about the party and how I called Levi who picked me up and took care of me. I finish and she starts to grin. “So you’re gay?”

I nod. “I tried to thank Levi for helping me discover that but he wouldn’t accept it.”

“That’s Levi for you; he tries to make everything difficult.”

“Oh and look.” I unzip the hoodie to reveal my t-shirt. “Levi had the t-shirt I wore yesterday at his house.” She raises her eyebrows. “He said he still had it when he left the bathroom but just forgot to give it to me before I left his office.”

“Sweetie he didn’t have anything with him when he came back to the office.”

I furrow my brow. “I knew I didn’t see it in his office. Why would he lie to me?”

“Levi really cares about you Eren. He probably kept it without thinking and didn’t want to freak you out by telling you so.”

I look down at the t-shirt and fidget with it; it’s my favorite shirt so I would’ve noticed its absence eventually. “I would have let him keep it if he’d just asked.”

Hanji’s eyes light up at my statement. “Do you really feel that way Eren?” I nod. “Levi would be thrilled to hear that.”

“No he wouldn’t.” I mumble as I look down to the floor.

“Why do you say that sweetie?”

“Levi rejected me this morning.” I want to cry again.

“He…rejected you?”

“Yeah. Remember I told you I thanked him this morning. Well I kissed him.” Hanji gasps before smacking a hand over her mouth. “Except he didn’t return it, he just got up and left.”

“Well, you just figured out you’re gay so maybe he just wants you to understand how you’re feeling first.”

“How am I supposed to understand my feelings if I don’t act on them though?” I whine.

“Do you want me to ask Levi what he’s thinking so we don’t have to guess?”

“Please.”

“Okay, crawl under the desk. He won’t tell me anything if he thinks you’re listening.” I crawl into the space where the chair fits under the desk and sit. “His appointment should be over soon.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’ll see you next week then.” The door to the reception area opens and closes. “Where’s Eren?” Levi asks.

“He walked home.”

“What? Why?” Levi sounds slightly panicked.

“I think he said something about you rejecting him.” Hanji has the chair pushed in slightly under the desk so I punch her in the leg without being seen.

“What do you mean? I didn’t reject the kid.”

“Eren told me how he kissed you this morning and told you it was a thank you. Then you told him you wouldn’t accept it and left. Sounds like a rejection to me.”

“I guess it does sound like that, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah but it’s not like you wanted to reject him right?”

“Of course I did.” That stings. “Just last night the brat was getting a raging boner for his best friend so he called me because he was scared of what he felt and I’m the person that helps him with his problems. Then this morning he rips my shirt off and tries to make out with me, how do you think that feels? How do you think it feels to know that newborn gay is going to be running around getting it up for everyone while I just sit on the sidelines explaining everything he doesn’t understand?”

“Levi.” Hanji pleads. I think she said something else but I can’t hear it over the ringing in my ears. I push her chair back so I can crawl out from underneath the desk. The second I’m out I run for the door.

“Eren.” Levi sounds breathless but I’m so hurt right now I couldn’t care less.

I don’t stop running until I get to the shoulder of the road where I slow to a stroll struggling for breath.

I hear a car pull up beside my but I can’t bring myself to look. “Eren get in the car.”

“No.”

“Eren please.”

“I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say.” I struggle to keep my composure.

“Eren.” I stop to look at him through the window. “Please.” He sounds pathetic.

It bothers me how easily I want to cave and get in the car. I can’t do it, not right now. My breathing has returned to normal so why not start running again. I sprint away from his car, following the white line of the shoulder. “Goddammit Eren! Stop acting like a child.” He shouts out the window at me.

I abruptly stop and Levi drives a few feet past me so I walk up to his window and lean in. “That’s what you think I am so why not act the part?”

“Where in the hell do you even get that from?”

“You told Hanji that I don’t know what I’m feeling and that I’ll just come running to you for advice when I don’t understand something.” Levi just shakes his head and stares at me. “That’s what children do Levi.”

“I didn’t mean that Eren.”

I sigh and look up at him, I know there is pain in my eyes and I know he can see it. “Yes you did Levi; we both know it. I think it might be best if I stop wasting your time.” I push off the car and begin walking again only this time he doesn’t follow me.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walk for what feels like an hour before collapsing on the side of the road near Trost Mall. I’m tired and broken with nowhere to go. I can’t go home because I don’t want to talk to Mikasa. I can’t go to Armin’s house because I don’t want to see him right now. And I can’t go to Levi’s house because there’s no comfort for me there anymore.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I swear to God Lev- Oh its Mikasa. “Hello?”

“Eren, where have you been? Armin said you left the party early but no one knows where you went!”

“I went home with a friend Mikasa; I’m fine.” I reassure her.

“You made a friend?”

“Yeah kind of. Hey listen, are you going to be home tonight?”

“No actually. I’m leaving now and staying at Sasha’s house tonight then we’re riding to school together tomorrow.”

“Okay great!” I have a place to go now. Mom will be out of town for the rest of the week so I’ll have the house to myself.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I said I was fine.” I snap.

“Is the psychiatrist not helping?”

“I’d say Levi’s done more than enough.” I wish I could take it back the second it leaves my mouth.

“Levi? You call your doctor by his first name.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t like labels so he insists.” I lie. “I really got to go Mikasa; I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Okay. Bye Eren.”

“Bye Mikasa.” I start to hang up but hear her whisper.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” The call ends.

No one is home! I break out into a run again and follow the route Armin showed me to get home from the mall. When I get within eyeshot of the house I notice a strange car parked in our driveway. I figure one of the neighbors parked there accidentally and head inside.

“Took you long enough to get here.” Levi sits at my dining room table looking pissed.

“I’m out of here.” I turn back out the door but he catches my wrist and drags me inside. “I thought this was the one place I could go for shelter but apparently I was wrong.”

“Shut up and talk to me!” He shouts.

You want to talk? Let’s talk. “Whose car is that? How did you know where I lived? Did you break into my house? I’m talking to you, happy now?” I shout back.

“Hanji. It’s on file. No, your sister was here. And no I’m not happy.” Levi rapidly answers the questions.

“What do you want from me?” I plead.

“I want you to stop being mad at me.”

“Tell me why you think I’m going to be ‘getting it up for everyone’. Tell me why you think I’m going to fuck every gay guy I meet?”

Levi rubs the bridge of his nose and mumbles, “I don’t have any evidence that says you wouldn’t.” I just stare at him not accepting that as an answer. “You don’t have control of your feelings yet.”

“And you do?”

“…Yes.” Levi stretches the word out obviously confused about the turn our argument took.

“So you wouldn’t get it up for just anybody? Only for someone you liked? Is that what you’re telling me?” Levi nods. “Do you like me?”

“I like you as a person but in the way you’re talking about, no.” He answers bluntly.

Without another word I turn on my heel and walk to my room with Levi trailing behind me. I stop in front of my bed and he stops in front of me. My hands move immediately to begin unbuttoning his shirt. “What are you doing?” He asks with a shaky voice.

“Testing a theory.” I state just as Armin had. “Sit.”

“No.” I push Levi back onto my bed before pulling my own shirt off. “Eren stop; don’t do this!”

I climb onto the bed after him and straddle his legs. I peck a kiss on his nose before kissing him as I had earlier. Only this time he returns the kiss moving his hand up into my hair to hold my head still. Levi’s tongue rolls with mine; he is so much better at this than Armin was. “There, I didn’t reject you. Can we be done now?” Levi says as he pulls away.

I smirk as I lower myself to sit on his lap. “Stop! You have no idea what you’re doing.”

Leaning against him I bring my mouth up to his ear and whisper, “I’m not a child Levi, I know exactly what I’m doing.” I run my tongue around the rim of his ear eliciting a shiver from Levi; I take it as an invitation to continue. My hips thrust into him, his eyes widen with what I hope is excitement but looks more like panic. “Prove me wrong. Prove to me that you don’t get it up for just anyone.” I grab the belt loops on his pants and pull his hips into me as I grind down into the bed.

“Fuck you.” Levi curses me as he grabs handfuls of my sheets. Then I feel it; I can feel his dick pressing against me and I can feel a smile creeping onto my face. “Wipe that smug ass look off your face Yeager.”

My mouth finds his again and I arch against him as I taste his passion and feel his hands move to grab my ass. I move my hands down and fidget with the button on my pants. Suddenly I’m on my back with my legs wrapped around Levi’s waist. “No.” He growls. “Not that.”

“Why not?” I stammer, knowing it’s what I want.

“You’re still a child, Eren.”

“I thought we went over this. Stop. Treating. Me. Like. A. Child.” I emphasize each word by rocking my hips up into him.

“Is this how you think I treat children?” He asks, pushing his dick against my ass. I snicker. “Eren, you’re legally a child. You’re sixteen. I could get arrested for doing this much.”

“How old are you?” I’d never been curious before now.

“Older than eighteen, doesn’t matter the exact number.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” I say reaching for his pants. I get them completely undone before he can stop me.

  
“If anyone found out, I would go to jail and be labeled as a child molester.”

“Then we’ll just have to make sure no one finds out.” I say in a low voice as I drag my nails down his back.

“Fuck you.” Levi says again, a little more breathless this time.

“I’m trying to but you won’t let me.” Levi chuckles as pushes off the bed then heads over to pick up his shirt off the floor.

I roll over onto my stomach. “Wait, we’re really not going to do it?”

“Trust me kid, I want nothing more than to fuck you so hard you can’t walk.”

“Why wouldn’t I be able to walk?” Levi turns to me with wide eyes.

“God Eren I can’t do this.” He comes over and sits next to my head; I roll over onto my back and look up at him.

“You can’t tell me?”

“No that’s not it.” Levi lowers his hand to my head and runs his fingers through my hair. “You’re too innocent, I’ll ruin you.”

“I don’t mind being ruined if it’s you doing it.” I move to sit on his lap. “So, did you get hard because I was grinding on you or because you like me?”

Levi smirks, leaning forward to touch his forehead to mine. “How can you go from adorably sweet to horny in two seconds?”

“It’s a talent I think.” I say before I wrap my arms behind his head and lean in for a kiss. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“And I’m not going to.” Levi moves to stand up, putting his hand on my ass to prevent me from falling. I wrap my legs around his waist trying to make it easier to carry me although it doesn’t seem like he’s having trouble.

“That’s okay. I think I know the answer.”

“Oh really.” Levi says mockingly.

We’re heading toward the door. “Where are we going?”

“Out.”

I begin struggling against his arms causing him to almost drop me a few times. “Put me down.”

“What’s wrong? You don’t like me carrying you?” Levi fakes a hurt look.

“No, I like being carried.” I stop thrashing. “But you can’t carry me outside the house.”

“If you like it then why does it matter where I’m carrying you?” Levi starts toward the door again.

“What happened to the whole ‘no one can know or I’ll go to jail’ stuff you were saying earlier?” I question, hoping he’ll put me down if he thinks about it.

“Nobody can tell what I do with you behind closed doors just by me carrying you.” I blush just thinking about what I just tried to do to him.

Levi laughs. “Is it finally dawning on you what you did?” I cover my face with my hands and put my head on Levi’s shoulder. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it was cute how you thought you knew what you were doing.”

“Stop.” I whine, throwing fake punches at Levi’s chest.

“And when you licked my ear and told me you weren’t a child as you rode my lap like a rocking horse.”

“Levi.” I squeak.

He whispers the rest in my ear as we exit the house. “I had to put you out of your misery when you tried to take your pants off though. You only would have made a fool out of yourself if you’d managed to get them off.”

“I thought I did well.” I whimper.

Levi removes his hand from my ass and I unwrap my legs to stand in front of him. “You did really well considering it was your first time doing the motions yourself.” He ruffles my hair and gets in the car.

“Where to?” I ask as I climb in the passenger seat.

“Paris?” I start to laugh but Levi looks completely serious.

“I have school tomorrow.” I answer flatly.

“Another time then.” Levi puts the car in reverse and backs out of the driveway. We drive for a few hours until we hit the beach, even though it’s cold we head out to the dock and sit looking at the water.

I rest my head on Levi’s shoulder. “Were you serious about going to France?”

“Would you prefer Canada?” He asks nonchalantly.

“It doesn’t matter one way or another as long as I’m with you.”

“How can you be this attached to me when you’ve only been gay for one day?”

“I think a part of me knew I was gay before now though. I mean I was attracted to you the first day we met I just didn’t know that’s what it was.” I feel Levi sigh then reaches for my hand and laces his fingers with mine; looking down at our hands reminded me of what Hanji said earlier. “If you wanted to keep my shirt you could have just asked you know.”

I can feel Levi’s body tense up. “I told you I didn’t purposely keep your shirt.”

“That’s funny because you also told me you had it in the office but Hanji said you didn’t have it when you returned from the bathroom.”

“Fucking Hanji.” He mumbles under his breath. “Okay no, I didn’t have it in the office. For some reason after I left the bathroom I ran straight out to my car to deposit the shirt; I couldn’t tell you that this morning because I thought it would scare you.”

“It’s kind of funny how far we’ve come in one day, huh?”

“Yeah…” Levi suddenly sounds distant so I give him his space through silence.

I would give anything to not have to go to school tomorrow, then I could go with Levi to Paris or Canada. “Why only French speaking countries?” It dawns on me that both places he mentioned speak French.

“Je me demandais combien de temps il vous amène à comprendre cela.” The words roll off his tongue like silk.

My head snaps up and I stare at him. “You speak French?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added some tags; there's violence and homophobia in this chapter. If that makes you uncomfortable, stop reading after "Armin screams after me but I’ve already disappeared into the crowd and am making my way to Health.".

“Eren.” Someone brushes my hair back. “Eren, vous avez besoin de se réveiller.”

I reach out and wrap my arms around Levi’s waist pulling myself into his warmth. “God I love that.”

“Come on.” Levi kisses my forehead and rolls out of bed. “I’ll drive you to school.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was able to avoid Armin in Biology, sitting in the opposite corner of the room. Not that I think he would talk during class anyway. Lunch is a different story, I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid him there. Sitting down at a table I settle in for the most uncomfortable lunch of my life.

“Hey.” Armin looks exhausted.

“No food today?” I notice his lack of lunch tray.

“I haven’t been able to eat since the party.” Armin sits down and takes a deep breath preparing himself for our conversation. “Things shouldn’t have happened the way they did.”

“Can I ask how that plan went down in your head?”

“Well you went down, for one.” Armin giggles but I don’t find it funny. “I’m just kidding Eren…kind of.”

“If you’re not going to take this seriously I’m just going to leave.”

“No!” Armin flails his arms in an attempt to prevent me from leaving. “I really messed up okay. Yes, I intended to do pretty much everything I did.” That surprises me because I figured it was the alcohol making him do what he did. “The one thing I didn’t mean to do was ask you to stop seeing your doctor.” I notice he didn’t call Levi by name. “I know you need him and I know he is too much older than you for you to ever have a relationship with him.” I shift uncomfortably in my seat and hope Armin doesn’t catch it. “I guess I just got jealous. I shouldn’t have asked you to stop seeing him, and for that I’m truly sorry.”

Wait, what! “You’re only sorry that you brought Levi up. You’re not sorry you fucking traumatized me?” I’m shouting and people are staring but I couldn’t care less, no one can tell what we’re talking about just from that.

“How did I traumatize you?” Armin shouts back. “I did you a favor Eren!”

“A favor?” I scoff. “How was that a favor? I never asked for that!”

“You were lying to yourself Eren! I helped you realize who you really are!”

“What if I didn’t want to realize? What if I wanted to find it out on my own time instead of having it ground into me?” I notice how funny it is that I said it was ‘ground into me’ when Armin had literally ground into me, but it’s not the time to laugh so I keep it to myself.

“You just wanted to live your life ignoring how you feel?”

“Maybe I did, but I’ll never know for sure now.” I mumble just loud enough he can hear me.

“So you hate me for what I did for you?” Armin retorts and I can see the pain in his eyes.

I remember what I told Levi the morning after the party. “I don’t hate you Armin. And I don’t need you to defend what you did; I just want you to apologize for doing it.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.” He looks around, everyone’s gone back to their own conversations. “I stopped like I said I would, so what do I have to apologize for?”

“Apologize for not asking me if it was what I wanted.”

“But it’s what you wanted.” Armin whines.

“Not from my best friend Armin.”

“I don’t want to be your best friend.” I must have looked hurt because he continues. “You know what I want, I think I made it pretty clear at the party.” He admits.

I understand how he feels but there’s nothing I can do about it. “Can you just be my friend for now?”

Armin sighs and gives a small smile. “I don’t know, it might cost you.” I cock my head to the side, confused as to what he could want in exchange. “I’ll need your pizza.” I glance down at the slice of pizza on my tray that I hadn’t touched.

“Deal.” I slide it over to him happy he got his appetite back.

“So where did you go after I left you?” Armin asks while practically inhaling the food.

“Home.” I lie.

Armin’s eyes darken and he puts the pizza down. “No you didn’t, where did you really go?”

“How do you know I wasn’t there? Did you stop by my house after the party was over?”

“No, but your sister called around 3 a.m. freaking out saying that she couldn’t find you at the party so she went home to check there and you weren’t home either. I’m your only friend here and you weren’t with me so she drove all over town assuming you tried walking home and got lost.” He raises his eyebrows at me trying to get me to confess.

“I’m going to have to apologize to her later. I would have asked her to drive me home but I wanted her to enjoy the party.” I try to de-rail Armin from his original question.

“So where were you?” I failed.

“Does it matter? I’m fine so it shouldn’t matter where I ended up.”

“Eren.”

The bell signaling the end of lunch rings; I pick up my backpack and get up from the table. “Where do you think I went?” I stall as I start to make my exit.

“I have a pretty fair idea but I want you to reassure me I’m wrong.”

“Armin, I really got to get to class. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Eren!” Armin screams after me but I’ve already disappeared into the crowd and am making my way to Health.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Health went by pretty quickly; only one more class to go and I can go home. “Hey. You’re Eren right?” I turn to find a very muscular blond guy and a taller dark haired guy walking behind me.

“Yeah. Who are you?” I never got introduced to anyone due to everything that happened at the party.

“Oh right! I’m Reiner and this is Bertolt.” The blond tells me, gesturing to his tall friend.

“Nice to meet you.” Why are they talking to me?

“Sorry to bother you; we just thought we should introduce ourselves since you’re still kind of new here.”

“You’re not bothering me. I still don’t really know anyone here; people aren’t very friendly to new students. And the rumors about me beating a student up at my old school don’t help either.” I notice I’m rambling a bit. “So I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you for not treating me like an outsider.”

“No need to thank me for being a decent human being. Hey Eren, have you ever played football?” Reiner questions.

Random question. “I used to play on the team at my old middle school, why?”

“Well the varsity football team just lost a player so they’re looking for a replacement.”

“What happened to him?”

“Oh the player? Drug bust. Wait, do you do drugs?” I shake my head. “Good. Anyway we’re both on the team so we’ve been trying to recruit people. Do you want to join?”

“I don’t know; I’m technically a freshmen and they don’t usually let freshmen be on varsity.” I scratch my head.

“You’re our age though. What difference does it make what grade you’re in? Besides we’re desperate, if you want it you’re pretty much guaranteed the spot.”

“I still don’t know.” I admit.

“Have you seen the football field yet?” Reiner asks. Again, random question.

“No.” I drag out the word.

“You got to see it. Once you see it you’ll be begging to be on the team.”

“Is it really that amazing?” I laugh.

“Oh yeah. Come on, we’ll take you right now.”

“I have a class to get to though.”

“That’s alright it won’t take long. Let’s go.” Why not? I’d pick friends over classes any day. I follow them out one of the side doors and in two minutes we step onto the field. It looks like any other school field.

“Wow!” I fake enthusiasm.

Reiner playfully slugs me in the arm. “That’s not even the best part. Follow me.” I follow him toward the bleachers. “When the game starts we get to run from the back of the bleachers and out the front.

We get completely behind the bleachers and Reiner stops in front of me. I look over my shoulder to find Bertolt standing behind me. “Where do you run through?” I ask, not seeing a tunnel.

I hear Bertolt move behind me but before I can turn around he wraps his arms under my armpits and locks his hands behind my head preventing me from moving. I struggle to look over my shoulder at Bertolt, trying to understand what he’s doing. In the process of struggling I don’t notice Reiner running toward me until his fist rams into my stomach. The hit knocks the breath out of me and brings tears to my eyes. “What are you doing?” I ask as I lower my head and try not to throw up.

Reiner grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls my head up so I’m looking at him. “We’re showing you what faggots like you deserve.” He bring his leg up as he pulls my head down to slam my face into his knee.

I can feel the blood pouring from my nose; my hands can barely reach my face but I wipe at the blood I can reach. “What are you talking about?” I spit, wishing Bertolt wasn’t holding me so we could have a fair fight.

Reiner slugs me in the jaw. “I saw you come out of your house the other day with your legs wrapped around some guy, you cocksucker.” Another blow lands in my stomach. I really feel like I’m going to throw up.

“They’ll kick you both off the team when they find out what you did to me.” I try to hold on to the hope that he’ll get punished when I get out of here.

“Then we’ll just have to make sure you don’t tell anyone.” I don’t even see his leg move until his foot connects with my nuts.

I’ve got nothing to lose. “You’re a fucking coward.” I regret saying anything when I see his fist headed for my nose. If it wasn’t broken before it definitely is now.

“Drop him Bertolt. We’re done here.” Reiner orders.

I collapse on the ground in front of Reiner’s feet, my legs can’t hold me. I really am going to throw up now. “All you faggots are disgusting.” He emphasizes his point by putting his foot on my head and grinding it into the ground. I can feel blood pooling in my ear. “Come on let’s get out of here.” Reiner kicks me one last time in the stomach before walking off with Bertolt.

I lie on the ground, tears streaming from my eyes from the pain I feel. Another wave of nausea hits me and I curl up into a ball. My vision is starting to fade. “Le-vi.” I manage to get my phone out and press send.

“What’s up sweetie?” Hanji answers.

“I need…your…help.” I pant between the waves of pain.

“What’s the matter?” I can hear her get up from the desk.

I see the edges of my vision blur. “Don’t bring Levi.” Those are the last words I can say before I pass out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about where I left last weeks chapter and I'm sorry I couldn't post this one sooner. Life's been kind of busy, I'll always make time for this though! Anyway thank you for the comments! They're really encouraging, I love hearing from you guys!

“Hey! Wake up! You need to open your eyes. Focus Eren!” Someone is talking to me, I can hear them but I can’t focus on the voice enough to know who it is. “God there’s so much blood.” My eyelids flutter but I can’t bring myself to open my eyes yet. “Please open your eyes; I’m begging you. I won’t beg often so you might as well enjoy how I look when I’m doing it.” I blink a few tiny blinks before opening one of my eyes and staring up at the voice that was speaking to me.

“What are you doing here?” My throat is so dry that my question comes out as a croak.

Levi doesn’t answer my question he just moves to open the first aid kit on the ground next to him. “This is going to sting like a bitch.” He pulls out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and gently tilts my head to the side to reach the gash on the side of my face where Reiner stomped it into the ground.

“Shit!” I scream. “Fucking stop!”

Levi takes my hand and guides it to his shirt. “Here. You can hold onto this until the pain subsides.” I grab fistfuls of the material as he continues to pour the chemical into my wound. “Goddamn that’s a big cut.” Levi moves back to the first aid and takes out a gauze pad and some tape.

Finally coming fully to my senses, I glance all around us quickly then back to Levi as I reach out and lightly push him away from me. “You need to leave.”

He looks hurt. “Eren no. I need to finish patching you up.”

“Get away from me.” I get up in a hurry and stagger backwards before falling back to the ground.

“Eren stop! You’re going to hurt yourself more.” Levi comes over to me again and tapes the gauze over the cut on my head. “I’m almost done everything I can do.”

“Hurry up then.” I snap. Levi looks pissed. He can be pissed me at me for the rest of his life if he wants to as long as he gets out of here.

Levi finishes putting little bandages on my chin then stands up brushing off his pants. He offers his hand out to me but I smack it away and stand up on my own. I wobble feeling really dizzy, probably due to the loss of blood. Levi starts to snake his arm around my waist for support but I dodge it. “I can walk on my own, thank you.”

“You’re acting like such an asshole right now.” He mumbles looking away from me. “I mean like more than usual.”

I know I am. Once we are safely inside the car I turn to him, “Levi—”

“Shut it kid.” He snaps. “I’m taking you to the hospital because I’m pretty sure your nose is broken but that’s the only thing I’m saying to you until we get there.”

“Can I say some—”

“No! Not a word until we get there.” He growls. Maybe I pushed him too far.

The drive to the hospital feels like an eternity. I stared at Levi for most of it watching his jaw tighten and relax.

“Get out.” He tells me as we pull up out front of the hospital.

“You aren’t going to come with me?” I ask.

Levi sighs and rolls his head to look at me. “Do you need me to come with you?” He asks monotone.

“Of course, I’ll always need you.”

He rolls his eyes and turns the wheel to go park the car. “Always is a long time kid. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Levi puts the car in park and climbs out before I can say anything. I have to run after him due to his head start; by the time I reach him, he is finishing my paperwork.

“Eren.” I pull my eyes away from Levi to make eye contact with the nurse staring at me. “We’ll take you now. Do you need a wheelchair? I heard you lost a lot of blood.” They always make you wait at the hospital, how are they already ready for me?

“No, I feel fine. I don’t need a whe—” The word catches in my throat as something presses against the back of my knees, the pressure continues until I crumple into a sitting position. Looking around I realize I’m in wheelchair; I look up to see Levi holding the handles but he’s not looking at me.

The nurse smirks then turns her back to us. “Follow me.” We walk down a long hallway then finally arrive at what I can only assume is my room. “Are you family?” She asks looking at Levi.

“No, I’m just his doctor.” Ouch. Levi is my doctor but he’s not _just_ my doctor.

“All non-family members are required to wait in the lobby but since you’re his doctor you’re allowed to come in.”

“That’s okay, I have no desire to wait in there with him.” Levi turns his cold gaze down to me before walking back the way we came.

“Your doctor is a piece of work isn’t he.” The nurse chuckles as she wheels me over to the bed.

“Yeah…” I mumble under my breath as tears push to get out; I’m forced to push them back, not wanting to cry here.

The nurse spends a long time examining my nose, “I’m pretty sure it’s broken, we’re going to take an x-ray just to make sure but first I’m going to hook you up to an IV to get your fluids back to normal.” She begins wiping the inside of my elbow with a cloth, prepping it for the needle. “Can I get you anything?”

I watch the needle enter my arm. “Levi.” The nurse cocks her head to the side in confusion. “My doctor. I need him.” She opens her mouth to argue with me but sees the determination in my eyes.

“I’ll be right back.”

After a few minutes of silence I hear footsteps coming down the hall. “I told you I didn’t want to be with him.” Levi says the words quietly but his voice travels back to me.

“He really wants you and he looks like he’s about to cry.” Do I really look like I’m about to cry? I wipe my eyes for safe measure just before Levi turns to enter my room.

“What do you want?” He still sounds angry.

“I want you to talk to me.” I whine, sounding like a child.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Levi swiftly turns on his heel and disappears out the door.

“Wait!” I scream, sitting straight up in bed and stretching my arm out toward the door as if I could grab him and prevent him from leaving. In the sudden movement, I’d gotten the IV tube wrapped around my arm; when I lunged forward I pulled the rack with the saline solution with me causing the metal pole to topple to the floor in a clatter of noise.

Levi’s immediately back in the room and by my side grabbing the pole and standing it back upright. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He snaps.

“I’m sorry.” I cry. “I didn’t mean to knock it over, I just didn’t want you to leave.”

“You want to talk.” Levi lets out a deep sigh and heads to the chair next to the bed. “Let’s talk.” I start to open my mouth but he cuts me off. “No. I want to talk first. Why did you call the office and not my cell?”

“It was the middle of the afternoon.” I stammer. “I thought you would be in an appointment.” That’s not the whole reason behind my actions but it is true.

“I was. Why does that matter?”

“Because I was dying, I needed someone who could help me right then.”

“Eren, you have to know I would leave any of my appointments in a heartbeat if I thought you needed me. And I did.” I hadn’t thought about it but he had left his appointment just now.

“Why?”

“You care about me Eren. You could have called your sister, she was closer to you than I was. But you didn’t, you called the office and yes you may have talked to Hanji but you actually wanted me to come.”

“Just because I care about you doesn’t mean you would drop your work for me. There’s more to it than that.” I’m trying to drag out of him what I tried to get out of him the other day at my house.

“I know what you want to hear Eren, but I’m not going to say it.”

“Please.” I whimper. “I had the shit beat out of me and I need to know it wasn’t for nothing.”

Levi’s jaw tightens. “What do you mean you ‘need to know it wasn’t for nothing’?”

“Two guys from school beat me fucking senseless because they saw you carrying me out of my house.”

Levi’s eyes grow wide as he pushes up from his chair. “God, I’m going to be sick.” He begins pacing the room clutching his stomach.

“You won’t go to jail Levi. It’s like you said ‘no one can tell what we do behind closed doors’.”

He suddenly stops pacing and turns to me. “I’m not worried about going to jail Eren!” Levi shouts before sinking to the floor into a squatting position. “Oh God, this is all my fault. I caused this; you asked me to put you down and I didn’t listen and now you’re…” He looks up at me and pain washes over his face. “Oh God.”

Levi rakes his fingers through his hair then heads for the bathroom. When he returns he is holding a damp towel. Sitting on the edge of the bed Levi leans to wipe my face with the cloth. “I just bandaged you up earlier. I didn’t have anything to clean you up with, you have blood caked all over you.” He sounds defeated.

Once he finishes my face Levi starts working on my neck. I look down and notice all the blood stains on my shirt. “I knew fucking white uniforms were a bad idea.” Levi half-heartedly chuckles. I lift my hand to show him the blood smear where I’d wiped my nose; he cleans it.

“I notice there’s no blood on your knuckles. You didn’t try to fight back?”

“Trust me I would have if that tall kid hadn’t been holding me.”

“One of them held you while the other beat the shit out of you? Fuck.” Levi rests his elbows on his knees and lowers his head into his hands. “This is all my fault; I bet you hate me.” His head snaps up and he turns slowly to shoot me a panicked look. “You do hate me. That’s why you kept telling me to leave.” Levi gets up from the bed and backs away from me. “Jesus, I probably just made things worse for you. I should’ve just listened to you instead—”

“Levi.” I’m able to startle him out of his rambling. “I don’t hate you.”

“Yes you do.” He sounds defeated.

“No I don’t.” I love how the determination resonates through my voice. “Now can you please stop pacing and come lie with me.” He’s hesitant but eventually comes and climbs on the bed next to me, sitting as far away from me as he can possibly get. Knowing it’s a pointless battle to ask him to move, I roll over to him and wrap one of my legs around his and drape my arm across him stomach. “I don’t hate you. I don’t think I ever could.”

Levi’s still tense but I can feel him starting to relax. “If you don’t hate me then why did you insist I leave?”

I look up at him. “I was terrified they might come back and beat the shit out of you too. I don’t know what I’d do if someone hurt you because of me.”

“How do you think I feel right now then?”

“It wasn’t your fault. If I’d asked you again to put me down you would have right?” He nods. “I knew that but I didn’t ask a second time; I knew what I was doing so I take responsibility for what happened today.”

Levi reaches for my hand currently resting on his stomach and locks his fingers with mine. I smile and nuzzle into his chin. “Can I ask a question?”

I feel Levi press his nose to my hair. “Mhmm.”

“Why did they give me room so fast? I mean usually you have to wait for hours before you’re seen.”

“I called ahead.” He says it so matter-of-factly, like I should have known that. “When I finally found you, I saw all the blood you’d lost and figured you would need to come here. So I called while I was stopping the bleeding and informed them of the situation.”

Levi’s too good for me. I look at our hands and giggle at the idea that here I lie in bed holding hands with another man when I wasn’t even gay a week ago. I would have continued to giggle a little longer if a sharp pain hadn’t shot through my abdomen. “Ow! Shit, that hurts!” I yell, pulling away from Levi.

“What hurts Eren?” He asks, sitting straight up.

“A really sharp pain shot through my stomach when I was laughing.” I explain.

Levi’s eyes narrow and his worried expression turns to suspicion. “Did they only hit you in the head Eren?”

I hadn’t told him about my stomach because I didn’t want to upset him anymore than he already was. “Yes…” I drag out the word. Without knowing it I was fidgeting with the buttons on my shirt; Levi noticed.

“Take your shirt of Eren.” He commands.

“No!”

“Am I going to have to take it off for you?” Levi threatens. As tempting as that is, it’s not the place for what I would want after if he did.

“No!” I turn my head to pout like a child. While my head is turned Levi swings a leg over me to sit on my lap and reaches for my shirt. He gets the first button undone before I can stop him.

“Levi! You’re going to make it awkward, get off.” I place my hands on his hips and push him back only he doesn’t stay back, he rolls his hips forward into mine with a sort of sensuality you can only get through experience. He’s trying to distract me and it’s working. Levi manages to undo all the buttons on my shirt then throw a hand over his mouth. I look down at my bare stomach to see a painting of dark blues and purples; it looks like the universe threw up on me.

“It’s not your fault.” I say trying to settle the thoughts fluttering around in Levi’s head.

Levi doesn’t even speak he just shuts his eyes. I can see a rim of tears lining his lashes, he still blames himself for what happened. Taking his free hand with mine, I guide it to my stomach and rest his fingertips on the darkest bruise I see. Levi’s eyes snap open at the touch of my skin. “It’s still me.” I whisper. “I’m just painted a little different.”

He lets out a breath and bends down to place his forehead on my chest, being careful not to touch the bruises. I can feel him crying but I don’t say anything, we just lie here as he cries and I soothingly stroke his hair.

“Excuse me.” I look up from Levi to find the nurse staring at me. Her eyes flicker down to him then back up to me. Levi rolls his head to look at me, he has the biggest grin on his face. It doesn’t even look like he’s been crying.

“Nurse. My patient has some pretty intensive bruising on his abdomen, is there a possibility of internal bleeding?” Upon finishing his question Levi rolls off of me to sit on the bed. She crosses the room to examine my stomach and vitals.

“It doesn’t seem likely. I don’t believe he lost enough blood to send the body into that kind of stress and his blood pressure and heart rate look fine. If his heart rate was erratic or his blood pressure elevated I would say we need to look into it. But it looks to me like he’s fine.”

“Thank you nurse. I was worried we might have more problems on our hands but it’s nice to know he’s fine. What about his nose?” How did Levi so calmly get out of explaining why he was lying on top of me?

“His nose is fine too.” She turns to me. “I don’t know what happened but you got very lucky your nose didn’t break. Often times it is hard to get it back to its original shape.” I thank her.

“And with that you’re good to go. Your fluids should be back to normal.” She says as she removes the IV from my arm. “As for your stomach, there is an over the counter lotion you can buy that will take the bruising out. If you use that you should be back to normal in a week.”

“Thank you again.” Levi tells her as he heads for the door.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We head back to my house but make a quick stop at the grocery store. “Are we grocery shopping?” I ask, raising one eyebrow to look at him.

“No, but we are going to pick up that lotion she told us about.”

“I’ll be fine without it.” I whine, wanting nothing more than to be at my house with Levi, picking up where we left off the other day.

“It’s non-negotiable Eren, we’re getting the lotion.” I open my mouth to refuse him again but he raises a finger to my lips, silencing me. “If it makes it any better, I’ll put it on you.” Levi teases me knowing it’s the only way I’ll actually use the stuff. I don’t care that he’s manipulating the situation to get what he wants; I like the idea of him rubbing lotion on me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little late, I've just been really worried about posting it. I've gotten comments on this fic and another one about Eren being underage and I understand but it's really disheartening to hear people get disgusted when I've told them from the beginning that Eren's underage. So PLEASE read the archive warnings, if it doesn't sound like you'll be comfortable then please don't read it.

We make it back to my house and I take Levi’s hand as I head for the front door, eager to get inside and take my shirt off. Looking back at him I unlock the door and step inside. I hear a noise come from in front of me so I turn around only to have my face slapped so hard my teeth hurt.

“What the hell Mikasa!” I shout, rubbing my stinging face.

She pulls me into a tight embrace forcing me to let go of Levi’s hand to return the hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Mikasa mumbles the words into my shoulder and it sounds as though she’s on the verge of tears.

I’m slightly confused by the sequence of events that just played out. “Why did you slap me then?” She lets go of me to hold me at arm length.

“I was so worried. By the time 4th period started everyone was talking about some student who got beat up behind the bleachers. I started panicking because the person they described sounded a lot like you; so I asked to go to the bathroom and immediately ran to check. You weren’t there but there was a huge pool of blood. I called to make sure it wasn’t you but you didn’t answer; I called like 5 times Eren.” I can see tears lining her eyelashes.

“Let me get this straight, you slapped me just now because you were worried about me?” I chuckle trying to break the tension.

“No, you ass.” Mikasa playfully slugs me in the arm. “I slapped you because you didn’t answer my calls forcing me to worry more. I assumed you died considering how much blood there was.”

“Technically if I had died you would have found me there lying in the pool of blood.”

“Shut up.” Mikasa giggles then notices the gauze stuck to the side of my face. “Oh God, that really was your blood wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I chuckle, scratching the back of my head. “I got beat up pretty bad but I’m okay now because Levi took me to the hospital.”

Mikasa vision shifts as Levi pops out from behind me; I guess she hadn’t noticed him when we hugged. “Well I’m glad he was there to take care of you.” You can practically hear the suspicion in her voice.

“I stopped his bleeding and patched him up but I thought his nose might be broken and there’s no way I could fix that so I drove him to the hospital.” Levi says it so casually.

“Why were you with him?” Mikasa asks, eyes narrowing.

“I was driving past the school heading back to my office and saw someone being dragged behind the bleachers. It didn’t look good so I turned around and parked but by the time I got there the bullies were already gone; all that was left to do was patch Eren up.” Levi just flat out lied without blinking an eye; even I would believe him, if I hadn’t been there.

Mikasa looks deep in thought but finally responds, “You can’t see the bleachers from the street.”

“Well I did.”

“No, you didn’t.” She pushes past me to stand in Levi’s face. “Tell me what really happened. Tell me why you were there with my little brother.” Technically we’re the same age but I don’t really think Mikasa cares right now.

With a sigh he tells her the truth. “Eren called me after he got beat up saying he needed help. I tried to get more information out of him but he passed out.”

She spins on her heel to face me again. “Why didn’t you call me? I was so much closer to you than he was.”

My eyes dart around the room trying to avoid the hurt in hers. “His number was the last one I called so when I opened the call log his name was at the top and I wasn’t really thinking clearly due to blood loss. If I hadn’t been about to pass out I would have called you, you know that.”

“I do.” Mikasa gives me a small smile. “I’m sorry I slapped you.”

She turns back around to Levi who looks less than thrilled. “Thanks for bringing Eren home; have a nice day.”

Wait, what?

Mikasa takes a step toward him, successfully getting him to step backward out onto the porch. Levi’s eyes dart over to me as if asking me to step in. I oblige. “Mikasa wait! I thought maybe Levi could stay for dinner.” She turns to raise an eyebrow at me. “You know, as a thank you for saving my life kind of thing.”

Her eyes narrow again. “Eren can I speak with you. _Alone_.”

“Sure.” If it’ll let Levi stay for dinner I’d talk to her about anything. I turn to Levi and tell him to make himself at home in the living room before following my sister back to her room.

Once the door shuts I examine Mikasa’s expression, it’s somewhere between pissed off and concerned. “What’s going on with you and your doctor?”

That catches me off guard. “W-what do you mean?” Way to play it cool Eren; good job.

“Well at Marco’s party, you just disappeared. You only know three people in this town and that’s me, Armin, and Dr. Levi. You weren’t with me. I called Armin; he had no idea where you were. The only logical assumption is that your doctor picked you up from that party.” Mikasa pauses and raises her eyebrows begging me to say something but I stay silent, wanting to hear the rest of her analysis.

“Then you didn’t come home that night, I know because I stayed up all night worried sick, so you must have stayed somewhere; I’m assuming his house. The next day I called you because your doctor showed up on our front porch spitting bullshit excuses as to why he was insistent upon seeing you. Finally you get the shit beaten out of you and he just happens to be the first person you call; not your sister, your doctor who might I add you have only been seeing for three weeks.” When you lay it all out like that it does make one wonder.

“Honestly explain to me what’s going on Eren.”

“N-nothing. Although I do have to say, kudos to you and your wonderful imagination Mikasa.” I brush past her toward the door but she catches my arm and pulls me back to her.

“Don’t try and blow me off like nothing’s happening. I’m your sister, I can tell better than anyone when something’s up with you.”

With a sigh I take both of her hands with mine. “You can’t tell anyone.” Her eyes reassure me I can trust her. “We’re kind of in a relationship thing.”

“Relationship thing?”

“Well we’re not really dating but like we’re both attracted to each other and he got really jealous when Armin was ‘claiming me as his’ and we’ve kissed and I tried to take his pants off.” I’m rambling and judging by Mikasa’s expression, I went too far.

She purses her lips as she stares at me. “Okay, couple of questions. First, you’re gay?”

I nod. “Yup, as of Tuesday. Armin helped me figure it out, I’ll tell you about it another time.”

Sigh. “That answered my second question. Now for my concerns, Levi is twenty-five. You know that right?” I did not know that but I nod anyway. “He nine years older than you, that’s super creepy not to mention completely illegal.”

“I know that’s why no one can know; Levi could get in a lot of trouble if anyone found out.”

“Eren he could go to jail. You two can’t keep doing whatever it is you’re doing; and I hope to God whatever you have been doing has been safe.”

“Mikasa.” I whine. “I really care about him and he cares about me too, I get the feeling he doesn’t care about people often. I’m special to him.”

“I don’t approve of this.” Her tone sounds final, there’s no point in arguing so I start thinking of ways I could get around Mikasa and keep seeing Levi. “However, I care about you and I’ve never seen you act like this. He can stay for dinner.” My ears perk up. “ _Only_ so I can get a feel for him. If I don’t think he’s good for you then you aren’t allowed to see him anymore.”

“Thank you Mikasa!” I squeal as I pick her up and spin her in a circle.

Bouncing out of her room I find Levi sitting on the couch looking uncomfortable. His attention shifts from its spot on the floor to me as I sit down next to him. “Everything okay?” Levi asks as he places a hand on my knee. I don’t get to answer before his attention once again shifts but this time it’s to something beyond me.

His eyes follow Mikasa as she walks past the couch. “I’m going to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner since we don’t have enough for company.” She say with a snarl, locking eyes with Levi.

Levi stands and in gentlemanly way says, “I don’t mean to be a bother. If it would be better for me to leave then by all means kick me out.”

“No, Levi you have to stay for dinner!” I cry, clutching his hand while still seated in my spot on the couch.

Mikasa’s eyes flicker down to me before returning to Levi’s stare. “No, you’re no bother at all.” Her voice is dripping with sarcasm but Levi still smirks and sits back down next to me. “I’ll be right back. Please behave yourselves.” With that she’s gone.

I’m up and off the couch before I realize it, pulling Levi with me toward my bedroom. “You’re a little too excited about lotion.”

“I’m not excited at all about the lotion, I am however excited about someone putting it on me.”

Opening my bedroom door I turn to Levi who begins unbuttoning my shirt. My heart feels like it’s hammering out of my chest. I need to calm down; he’s just going to put lotion on me, Levi wouldn’t let it go further than that.                                                                                                                        

“Lie down.” His voice sends a shiver down my spine.

I crawl to the middle of my bed before rolling onto my back. Levi pulls the lotion out of the bag I hadn’t noticed he was holding and climbs up after me. He doesn’t meet my eyes as he straddles my legs, his eyes are focused on my stomach. I sit up and lift his chin so he’s looking at me. “It’s okay.” Levi nods but it doesn’t look like he believes me.

The lotion is cold when it first makes contact with my stomach but soon warms up as Levi massages it in. His touch is so gentle I almost can’t feel it; he’s trying to touch my stomach as little as possible to keep from hurting me. I watch as he meticulously covers every bruise and shifts his weight from one leg to the other to keep from putting any pressure on me.

Upon finishing his work, Levi doesn’t move he just stays perfectly still examining my bruises with a disgusted look on his face. I want to see him smile again. “You know, they kicked me in the nuts too. I might have some bruising down there.”

Levi’s eyes finally connect with mine and he smirks. “Are you asking me to rub lotion on your dick, kid?” I giggle.

Levi moves off of me to stand at the end of the bed then grabs my ankles and pulls me until I’m sitting on the edge. “Fine if you insist.”

What?

He unbuttons and unzips my pants then grabs my belt loops, pulling them down to my knees. If he’s just teasing, I don’t find it funny and neither does my now growing erection. “W-what are you doing?” I stammer, trying and failing to stay calm.

“Isn’t this what you want?” Levi practically purrs the words as he drags his nails down my sides. Hooking his fingers into the edge of my briefs I can feel his fingertips brush my dick. I let out a squeak and he pulls my underwear down to where my pants lie at my knees freeing my cock from its confines. “Damn, you almost look too good to eat.” Levi looks up from my dick to catch my eye. “ _Almost_.”

I watch Levi’s head lower in slow motion, assuming he’ll stop soon. It isn’t until his mouth wraps around my tip that I accept this as reality. His tongue flicks against my cock and I feel the pleasure surge through me.

“Levi…” I gasp.

He smirks before running his tongue along the underside of my dick drawing a faint moan from my lips. “Your first time?” Levi asks me while licking his lips. I just nod, not having the words at the moment and not wanting to distract him from the task at hand. “Let’s make it memorable then.”

Levi wraps his fingers around my cock and pumps a few times before reciprocating the motion with his mouth. Once again pleasure rakes through me causing my hips to jerk up into him. He works his way back up to my tip where he sucks me.

He licks my slit twice before quickly pulling me all the way into him. Levi makes his way slowly up and down my length before quickening the pace and falling into a beautiful rhythm.

 My hands find their way to his hair where I grab hold as I pull myself back into him. I feel my hips roll forward again as he sucks. “Oh God Levi.” I moan.

“Oh…God…I’m…” I rock my hips into him a few more times before I come. He takes it all, swallowing while still following the rhythm we’d created. Levi licks my length one last time before turning his eyes up to me.

I can feel my face burning so I flop back on my bed covering my face with my hands. “You did good kid.” Levi reassures me before he climbs up to lie next to me. With my lack of response, Levi gently takes my wrists and pulls them away from my face. “Hey, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

I was going to argue but when I meet Levi’s eyes they’re so soft, so serene, now’s not the time to argue. Leaning in, I place a delicate kiss on his lips then reach down and take his hand in mine. “I could lie here with you forever.” I whisper as I nuzzle into his neck.

“I really do care about you Eren.” Levi sounds a beautiful mixture of tired and content.

“I know.” And I do.

“More than anyone I’ve ever known.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning dialogue between Eren and Levi is them texting, just in case it's not clear.

Levi: Come to the Starbucks near your school.

You: You don’t like coffee.

Levi: But you do. And I want to talk.

You: You could have just called me.

Levi: I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.

You: Why? And why can’t I just come over to your house?

Levi: I bet you have a thousand things on your mind, I’d rather have that conversation face to face. And I want to have our little chat at Starbucks because you can’t make as much of a scene if we’re in public.

You: Fine. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.

Levi: Shit. I don’t want to wait here that long for you.

You: Okay rude. Anyway it’s not like I can ask Mikasa to drop me off.

Levi: Fine. But I swear to God if you are even a second over 20 minutes, I’m leaving.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Mikasa, I’m going to walk up to the gas station and get some snacks do you want anything?”

She pops her head around the door jamb. “Do you want me to drive you?”

“No.” I hate lying to her. “I need some air.”

“Don’t be mad at me Eren.” She mumbles the words so quietly I can barely hear her.

“I’m not mad. Do you want anything from the gas station?” I ask again, trying to get out of here quickly before I break and tell her exactly where I plan on going.

“Some gummy bears might be nice. You know the kind I like right?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how long it’ll take to get there so I don’t know when I’ll be back but I have my phone in case you need me.”

“Be safe Eren.”

I don’t respond, just shut the door and make my way down the street. Once out of view of our house I break into a run to make sure I’m not late.

“You’re late.” I’m greeted with the ever so pleasant Levi at the door, he catches my eye then glances up at my hair that’s messily slicked back with sweat. “And you’re sweaty...”

“I’m sorry.” I probably look disgusting. “I ran here trying to make it on time.”

“You didn’t let me finish. You’re sweaty and it’s fucking sexy.” I can feel my face burning but Levi ignores it, turning his back on me and heading to a table in the corner. “I’m only staying because I’m really fucking turned on right now. Between your messy hair, your glistening skin and the fact you’re panting, I’m wishing we were back at your place.”

“Mikasa’s home but we could always go back to yours.” I say coolly as a smirk creeps across my face.

“Nice try kid, now sit. I bet there’s a lot buzzing around that pretty little head of yours, so let’s hear it.” Levi eyes me as he raises his cup to his lips and takes a long sip.

“How many guys have you slept with?”

Levi chokes on his drink and stares at me, looking a little surprised. “Okay, that’s not really what I was expecting you to want to talk about.”

“So how many?”

“Including you?”

“Y-you haven’t slept with me yet.” I stammer, unsure as to why I’m nervous.

“Yet.” He laughs. “Technically in the literal sense of the phrase, I have slept with you. The night I picked you up from that party you stayed in my bed and I slept next to you. Therefore, we slept together.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” He’s trying to avoid the question. “How many?”

“Three… and seven.”

“Seven?”

“I figured your next question would be ‘how many guys have you had sex with?’. Which is slightly different and broader than your first question. You’re included in the seven.”

“I wasn’t going to ask that.” I retort, getting embarrassed again.

Levi throws me a bored look. “I don’t know how much you want to know but I’ll reassure you I haven’t had seven different dicks in my mouth either, only two.”

“Including me.” I say softly.

“Including you.” He repeats. “What are we going to do?” Levi asks with a sigh. Dinner with Mikasa didn’t go so well. She criticized everything he said, told him he wasn’t doing his job as my psychiatrist, and called him a pervert. I thought she might actually give Levi a chance because I care about him but she didn’t, she just threw my feelings out the window. By the end of the night, she told me she didn’t approve and that I wasn’t allowed to see him; meaning Levi can’t be my therapist anymore. And because she knows me she knows that wouldn’t stop me from seeing him, she threatened to call the police if I continue to be with him.

 I hoped we wouldn’t have to talk about this because I didn’t want to have to say what I’m about to. “I care about you a lot but ultimately there’s more at stake for you than there is for me. If there wasn’t the chance of you going to jail, I would be with you until you decided you didn’t want me anymore.”

“What are you saying Eren? Because it kind of sounds like you’re breaking up with me.”

“I can’t be the one to make the decision about your future and I’m not willing to ruin your life just to get what I want.” Those words taste like vomit in my mouth, I don’t want to say them but it can only end badly for Levi if I don’t. It really does sound like I’m breaking up with him though and when I meet his eyes I can see he hears it too. I can’t stand to see the hurt there, pushing up from the table I mumble “I’m sorry” under my breath and head for the door.

I’m halfway there when I hear a chair push out behind me. “I don’t mind being ruined if it’s you doing it.”

It takes everything in me not to turn around and go back to him, but I have to be the one to do this because he won’t. Without delay, I begin walking again and push my way out into the parking lot.

I’m able to make it all the way around the back of the building before I start crying. Throwing my head back, I scream at the sky and press my back against the building before sliding my way to the ground. Getting a knee to the nose didn’t hurt as much as this does right now.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Levi_

“I’m not willing to ruin your life just to get what I want.” I can only watch as Eren pushes away from the table, taking my life with him. “I’m sorry.” Last week when Eren told me he didn’t mind me ruining him I thought he was just a stupid child. I didn’t believe that anyone could feel like that about someone else. But I was wrong.

I stand up, pushing my chair out. “I don’t mind being ruined if it’s you doing it.” Eren hesitates for a fraction of a second remembering the day he said those words to me. I’m almost sure he’ll turn around but he doesn’t; he’s gone, out of the Starbucks and out of my life.

My body won’t move, it’s locked in place with eyes frozen on the door. “What a fucking dick.” The barista behind the counter states.

“No, he’s not. He’s trying to protect me and this is the only way he can think to do it.” I’m finally able to pull my eyes off the door accepting the fact that Eren’s not going to walk through it again. Then I pull out my phone and dial Hanji. “Hanji come to the Starbucks near St. Rose High.”

“Why are you at a Starbucks? You don’t like coffee.”

“That doesn’t matter just get your ass over here.”

“It’s my day off though.” She whines.

“I don’t fucking care. Get your ass here in five minutes or you’re fired” I snap.

“I’m on my way.”

I didn’t notice her walk in, it isn’t until she’s standing next to the table that I look up from my cup. “What’s wrong? You’re only mean to me when something’s upsetting you.” I explain to her what happened with Mikasa. “Do you think she’d actually call the police on you?”

“No, but Eren’s convinced she would. He told me he didn’t want to ruin my life and then left.” I mumble feeling sorry for myself.

“What are you going to do?”

“There’s nothing to do. It’s over.” I look back down at my empty cup.

“That’s a shame. Eren really cared about you.”

“I blew him Hanj.” I admit quietly while drawing circles with my finger on the lid.

“Levi!” She shrieks my name then looks around, realizing what she’s done. Leaning in she whispers, “You don’t give blow jobs, not since…”

“You think I don’t know that!” I shout at her.

“Then why Eren?”

“I didn’t intend for it to happen.” Running a hand down my face, I let out a sigh. “But the opportunity arose and in that moment I knew Eren wasn’t like him. He’s different. And I care about Eren more than I’ve cared about any of the others.”

“Yeah I can see that. So what’re you going to do about it?”

“Still nothing. Eren’s going to be scared to be anywhere near me for fear of ruining my life.”

“I think you should go talk to him maybe you can find a way around his sister. You two need each other too much to let this go.”

“He’s probably home by now and God knows I can’t go there while Mikasa’s home.”

“He hasn’t gone home yet.” I cock my head to the side and throw her a puzzled look. “He’s still here; back behind the building. I heard someone screaming back there so I poked my head around to make sure they were okay. And there’s Eren sitting against the wall with his head kicked back openly sobbing. He didn’t see me and I thought he probably wouldn’t want anyone to see him like that so I…”

I’m up and out the door before Hanji even finishes her sentence. As I near the back of the building I hear his cries. I’m forced to bite my lip to keep from screaming, the night I picked him up from the party was the last time I’d heard him cry like this; I never want to hear him make these sounds ever again. “Eren.”

He’s instantly up on his feet staring at me with wide eyes. I catch a glimpse of the tear tracks on his face before he wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. His eyes open once more to reveal a guarded expression without a hint of sadness. “Levi.” Eren’s voice cracks; he drops his gaze from mine scolding himself.

“This isn’t an option so you need to find another solution.”

“This is the only solution! I made this choice and it’s for the best. Now leave or you’ll ruin everything!” He yells.

“I’m willing to risk everything Eren! Why aren’t you?” I shout at him.

“I _am_ willing to risk everything; everything but you.” I take a step toward him and he regards me but doesn’t move.

“I’m okay with you risking me though, so why are you still fighting me on this?” Another step.

“Because you’re only thinking about what you want; I’m thinking about the consequences for you.” Another step. “You would lose your job even though I’m not your patient anymore, you would go to jail and you would be labeled as a child molester. Do you know how hard it is to get hired by someone once you’re deemed a child molester?” Another step.

“So what’s the solution?” I ask taking another step toward him. We’re only a few inches apart now.

“Wait until I’m eighteen.”

“I can’t.” My fingers are in Eren’s hair, grabbing handfuls and pulling him down to me. His mouth meets mine and I feel him stifle a gasp but Eren’s hands don’t move to touch me, they just stay at his sides. He’s forcing himself not to fall into the kiss. Moving my hand to the back of his head I press against him and flick my tongue out to lick his lip. He tastes like salt, probably from crying.

“Levi…” I know he’s going to tell me to stop but I won’t let him, not yet, not until he realizes he needs us as much as I do. Forcing my tongue into Eren’s mouth as he tries to say the next word, I run the tip along the roof of his mouth sending a shiver down his spine. His hands move to my sides just above my skin; Eren tenses as he tries to hold back the urge to touch me.

Come on Eren, just admit you want me more than you want to protect me. I nibble on his lip hoping to send him over the edge. Nothing. Pulling back from his lips, I nudge his head to the side with mine. Then run my tongue along his jaw line up to his earlobe where I bite down before licking the shell of his ear.

My eyes snap open as I’m lifted off the ground and my back is slammed into the building. Eren’s an inch from my face, panting heavily. I lift my legs and wrap them around his waist then lift my hand to cup his jaw. Leaning in for a kiss, Eren nudges my head to the side just as I had a moment ago. He starts at my ear, nibbling around the edge before licking the shell and sticking his tongue in. “But wait Eren, you’re not eighteen.” I breathlessly say in a mocking tone while wrapping my arms around his shoulders and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.

“Shut up.” He growls, moving down to my neck. I lean my head back until it’s touching the wall, close my eyes and pant as Eren sucks a spot on my neck. Satisfied with what he’s done, he licks the spot several times before moving to plant kisses on my throat.

I’m snapped out of my world of pleasure hearing footsteps coming around the back of the building. I glance to the side without moving my head, as to not disturb Eren from the wonderful things he’s doing. Hanji stands at the corner of the building grinning and shaking her head at us. Eren starts to pull away from me sensing the atmosphere had changed but I place a hand on the back of his head, gently forcing him back against my neck, and raise my other hand to flip Hanji off. She throws her head back laughing as she walks away, leaving me and Eren alone once more.

Eren lifts his head to press his forehead against mine and pants. “I want more.”

“We can’t.” I pant back. “We may be behind a building but we’re still in public.”

He lowers me slightly so my ass is resting against his dick. “Put me down.” My tone must have been too firm because Eren looks hurt like he did something wrong, but puts me down anyway. I lean back against the wall and grab hold of Eren’s shirt, pulling him into me. With my other hand, I reach down and palm him through his jeans. “Oh… _oh_ …” Eren rocks his hips into my hand a few times before his eyes flutter open to look at me. He reaches up and places a delicate hand on my cheek; I answer the gesture by nuzzling into his palm causing Eren’s eyes to shimmer.

There’s no time for me to react as two of Eren’s long fingers are pushed into my mouth. “Ah…” My noise of protest catches in my throat as he pushes his fingers deeper into me.

Two can play at that game Eren. I run my tongue along the underside of his fingers before forcing them apart. Curling my tongue around his index finger, I slowly massage it back and forth. I release the one finger before sucking hard on both. Eren shudders before removing his fingers and forcefully kissing me one last time; my head hits the wall behind me but right now the pain is overwhelmed by pleasure. It isn’t long until Eren breaks the kiss and crumples to rest his head on my shoulder; I remove my hand from his crotch and place it on his head, stroking his hair.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi has a surprise for Eren but little does he know, Eren has one for Levi too. This chapter has just a tad of fluffiness and you get to find out more about Levi's past. (I meant to have this up for Valentine's Day. It's only a little over a week late. Haha, oops.)

“Mikasa has a date for Valentine’s Day.”

Levi looks at me with his usual bored expression. “So…”

“So, she won’t be home to notice if I’m there around dinnertime.”

“Are you implying you want to do the cliché couple thing and go out to a restaurant for Valentines?” His eyes turn down to his lap where he holds my hand in his.

“Are we a couple?” I ask, face brightening as the words pass my lips.

Levi grins ever so slightly while tracing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “Okay, I’m not even going to answer that.”

By not answering it though, he answered it. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed; do you even want to spend Valentines with me?”

He glances at me out of the corner of his eye before answering. “What’s with all the stupid questions today?”

I try to hide the grin that’s creeping across my face. “So what do _you_ want to do?”

“Can you dance?” I throw him the same half-lidded look he always gives me. “Didn’t think so. Well, the France offer is still on the table.”

“I’m pretty sure Mikasa would notice if I disappeared for a few days.”

“A few days?” He scoffs. “We’d be gone for a week, if not two.”

“Wait really? That sounds amazing!” I can’t imagine how magical it would be to spend a solid two weeks with Levi.

“You would miss way too much school though so I guess that’s out.”

“It’s hard to come up with something we could do considering both our schedules. Dinner’s not looking so bad, huh?”

“ _My_ schedule isn’t a problem, I can cancel any appointments I have. Your schedule is the one we need to work around; that and Mikasa.” Something clicks within Levi causing him to fall silent.

“Did you think of something?” I ask, eager to hear his idea but knowing full well I’ll love it no matter what it is.

“I did, but I won’t tell you. It’s a surprise. The only problem is we’d need a few days, three total; one before and one after.”

“That sounds like a pretty big surprise. Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday this year though, that means I’d still have to take off from school. Not to mention the fact Mikasa’s sure as hell going to notice if I’m gone for three days.”

“I’m sure you can come up with an excuse.” He pats my leg before pushing up off the couch. “Now, I have to start making preparations. Meaning I need to take you home, can’t have you figuring out the surprise.” There’s a slight pause before Levi continues. “I’ll need to pack your bags for you.”

“Are you kidding? Don’t you think you’re taking the precautions a little far? I doubt I could figure out what we’re doing based on what you ask me to pack.”

Levi cups my chin, drawing my lips up to meet his. “Just let me have this okay? I want everything to be perfect.”

“…Alright. Mikasa is staying after school on Wednesday, we should have an hour or two.”

“Great, now let’s get you home.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Eren dinner’s ready!” My mom and Mikasa are already seated at the table with full plates. I’d come up with a plan to get away for a few days and now is the perfect time to execute it.

“So mom.” I start while loading up my plate. “There’s a field trip this Friday.” Mikasa’s head immediately snaps up to look at me.

“Where’s it to?” My mother asks, shoving a spoonful of mac and cheese in her mouth.

“Washington D.C. We’re going to see all the monuments and some museums so we’ll be gone until Sunday.”

“Wow! This is such a great opportunity, we never got to do anything like that in school. Did you know that a lot of people in the U.S have never seen D.C.?”

“What class is that for Eren?” Mikasa finally chimes in.

With an awkward chuckle I answer. “U.S. History. A lot of history took place there you know.”

“Why haven’t I heard anyone talking about this trip?” Her eyes narrow.

“Would you be excited to go on a boring trip and learn about a whole bunch of dead guys?” I counter. “I’m only going because our teacher’s offering extra credit and God knows I’ll need it.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Mom agrees. “Do I need to sign anything saying you have permission?”

“Yeah, let me go get it.” I took the precaution of typing a fake permission slip earlier. Glad to know it paid off.

“Does it cost anything?” Mom asks as I return to the table.

“Nope, all costs are paid for by the school.” Looking away from my mother, I make the mistake of glancing at Mikasa who looks like she’s going to murder me.

I don’t think she’s told our mom about Levi because she’s not calling me out in front of her.

After we’re finished eating I help clean-up, which I never do; but I’m trying to avoid Mikasa. She wouldn’t call me out at dinner but all bets are off after that. It almost sounds as though she’s gone to bed by the time I’m done the dishes but one peek in the living room tells me she didn’t. “My room or yours?” She asks, not looking at me.

Sigh. “Mine.”

I follow her back to my room and brace myself for the thousand accusations that will follow. The thousand accusations that I will have to flawlessly refute in order to go with Levi this weekend. “Where are you _really_ going this weekend?”

“Washington D.C. Isn’t that what I said?”

“See I find it a little curious that this field trip just happens to stretch over Valentine’s Day.”

“I personally thought it was poor planning. More people would probably go if it wasn’t this weekend.”

“Cut the crap Eren! You’re not going to D.C.”

“Aw why not? I thought mom said I could, did she change her mind?” My face scrunches up into a frown.

“Stop it! I know you’re still seeing him!” She shouts, not caring if our mother hears or not.

The frown’s gone, replaced with a scowl. This might be my only shot to convince her. “Don’t Mikasa. You really don’t know me if you think I would still be with him after what you said. I care about him too much for him to go to jail because of me. So don’t, don’t ever suggest that I would put my personal desire over his safety.”

I must have done a good job because Mikasa takes a step back. “I’m sorry. I guess I just assumed you would ignore what I said and stay with him. I figured this whole trip was a ploy to get away for the weekend.”

“Trust me it’s not. Honestly, I’m only going on the field trip because I can’t stand sitting here alone on Valentine’s Day. I need to be as far away from here as I can on Saturday.”

By the look on her face I can tell I’ve completely convinced her, she doesn’t doubt me anymore. “You’re right, I didn’t realize how hard this weekend would be on you. Have a good time on your trip.” With that she turns on her heel and leaves me alone in my room.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The plan is for me to go to school Friday morning, then after first period leave the building and head to the parking lot where Levi will be waiting for me. When Levi came to pack my bags, he made me sit in the dining room so I couldn’t see what he was packing. After he left, I went searching through my closet trying to figure out what he took but couldn’t pinpoint any one thing I was missing. I have too many clothes to keep track of.

First period seems to drag on for hours while I anxiously shake my leg. As soon as the bell rings, I’m up and sprinting down the hall. I don’t stop running until I find Levi’s car in the parking lot. “Well someone’s eager.” He chuckles as I struggle to catch my breath.

“I don’t…like…waiting for…surprises.”

“That sucks ‘cause you’re going to have to wait a little longer. Your surprise doesn’t actually happen until tomorrow.”

“Why are we leaving today then?”

“It takes a while to get there.”

“How long are we talking about?” I cautiously ask.

“7-ish hours.” He says casually, pulling out of the parking lot.

“Holy shit! Where are we going?”

“I’m pretty sure telling you that would ruin the whole surprise.” Levi grins, obviously enjoying my suffering.

“Are we driving there?”

“Nope, flying.”

“I’ll figure it out when we get to the airport then.”

“You don’t know what I have planned. I could blindfold you and tell everyone not to say anything in front of you.” He sounds serious and it worries me.

“Please don’t blindfold me.” I beg. “I think my first time on a plane is going to be scary enough without that.”

Levi turns away from the road to look at me wide-eyed. “Wait, you’ve never been on a plane before?” I shake my head. “I don’t want you to be scared. We can go somewhere else; do something simple.” He pulls the car off onto the shoulder.

“Stop its fine, I’ll be fine. I don’t know where you’re planning on taking me but believe me there’s nowhere else I want to be than there.” I run my hand through his hair and he nuzzles into it before pulling the car back on the road. “Besides, I won’t be scared as long as you’re sitting next to me.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well the plane ride was terrifying. Levi kept trying to comfort me and I did my best to mask my fear but I’m pretty sure he could see through it. What didn’t help was my window seat…and turbulence, that shit scared the crap out of me. I was shaking by the time we got off and still clinging to Levi’s hand for dear life. “I really should have asked if flying was okay before I planned this whole thing.” Levi says sympathetically, eyeing me with a worried expression.

“No, no it’s okay. The first time’s always the worst right, I mean you were scared the first time right?” I can hear the lingering fear in my voice and try to shake it.

“No.” His eyes meet mine before he gives an awkward laugh. “Well yes, but only for the first ten minutes. After that it’s just like riding in a car.” Levi drops the subject opting to drag me over to a bench where he sets down our bags and starts riffling through them. A few moments later a coat is thrust into my arms. “Put this on, it’s going to be cold outside.”

“I still don’t know where we are.” I don’t know how he managed it, but I was unable to figure out where we we’re going at the last airport. Levi’s obviously excited as he pushes open the door to the outside. A blast of cold air hits me, making me grateful Levi packed my warmest coat.

“Alaska.” He’s wearing the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on his face.

There’s a pause as I take in the snow covered area wondering why Alaska. “Alaska!” I repeat, picking him up and spinning us in a circle.

“You still have no idea and that’s okay. Thanks for feigning excitement though.” Levi pecks a quick kiss on my cheek before I put him down. “Our ride should be here soon.”

As if on cue, a black stretch limo pulls up to the curb in front of us. Levi head over and opens the door in front of me. Before getting in the limo I ask, “Are you kidding?”

With a laugh Levi shakes his head and climbs in the limo after me.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I packed you a suit. We’re going out to dinner.” Levi announces as he exits the bathroom shirtless and drying his hair. “You’ve seen me shirtless before remember?” I must have been staring.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t still enjoy it though.” He crosses to me and lies down on the bed, snaking an arm around my waist. “Do we have to go to dinner? I don’t mind passing the time in our room.”

“Can you go ten minutes without thinking about fucking me?” He laughs.

“It’s hard.”

Levi pauses before craning his neck to look up at me. “Did you just make a dick joke?”  We both erupt in laughter. It wasn’t intentionally but it’s funny nonetheless.

Minutes pass before the laughing dies out. “So you brought me all the way to Alaska to do the ‘cliché couple thing’ and go out to dinner?”

“Yeah, I figured we couldn’t go out anywhere back home because there’s a chance you would run into someone you knew and that would be awkward. Even more so if they were one of my patients too.”

“You’re joking right? I mean I wouldn’t mind but…” I’ve gotten better at reading him but sometimes he still gets me.

“Of course I’m joking. After dinner I’ll show you why I really brought you here, so go get dressed.”

Levi helps me put my suit on before putting his on. We then head downstairs to the awaiting limo and make our way to the restaurant. “This place is beautiful.” I say, taking in the dimly lit room scattered with fresh candles and smelling of lavender.

“You like it?” I can hear the anxiety in his voice.

“Why wouldn’t I like it? You picked it for a reason right. If you like it then I like it.” Levi smiles and opens his menu. I follow suit but a rather loud gasp escapes my lips when I see the prices listed before me.

“Eren!” Levi hisses, looking at the other couples sitting around us. “What’s the matter?” He asks, regaining his composure.

“The entrees here _start_ at sixty dollars and that’s not including drinks and stuff.”

“So…” It’s like he doesn’t see a problem with it.

“So we can’t eat here.”

“We’re going to eat here, the price isn’t an issue. Besides it’s not like this restaurant is the most expensive thing I’m paying for on this trip.”

It’s just dawning on me how much this must have cost. “How are you paying for all this? The plane tickets, the limo, the hotel, this dinner. Jesus, I’m costing you so much; let me pay for my half.”

“Breathe Eren. Think about what I do for a living. Do you know how much I make a year?” I shake my head. “A hundred and ninety thousand. I can more than afford this trip, okay? So please don’t ask if you can pay for your half. That makes it sound like we’re two friends taking a vacation somewhere and I definitely don’t want that.”

“I don’t want that either but I don’t like you paying for everything.”

“You just being here with me is payment enough.” Levi’s eyes are as soft as the day he first told me he cared about me. Reaching across the table, I place my hand on top of his.

We sit in a comfortable silence, simply gazing into each other’s eyes until our food arrives. Levi’s words from the day at the hospital keep ringing in my mind, ‘I really do care about you, more than anyone I’ve ever known.’ That was by far the greatest day of my life. “Hey, I have a question. It’s been bothering me since it happened so I have to ask, did you blow me the day I came home from the hospital as an apology?”

Levi looks up from his food with a startled expression. “What?”

“Okay here’s what I assumed. You still blamed yourself for what happened to me so you felt the need to make it up to me. And the only way you could think to do that is to give me the one thing I’ve been asking for.” Levi regards me with an expression that I can’t read.

He carefully sets his fork down on his plate before meeting my eyes again. “Don’t…Just don’t. You have no idea how wrong and fucked up that theory is. I won’t get mad at you for it because you don’t know any better but don’t assume things about me.”

He’s pissed, he may not be yelling but I can tell I hit a nerve. “This isn’t really the topic I wanted to talk about tonight but since you brought it up…” Sigh. “Back in college I was dating this guy. We dated for almost two years and I thought I knew him better than anyone. Toward the end of our relationship he started to spiral down into a sort of depression. He took to drinking, getting absolutely trashed the minute he woke up and carrying it until the time he went to sleep. I stayed with him because I believed I could help him, make him better again simply by caring about him. One day he forced his way into my dorm room reeking of alcohol and full of anger. He was stronger than I was, obviously, so it was easy for him to force himself on me. I won’t go into detail but he made me blow him. It was _the_ single most terrifying moment of my life, to be in a position where you have no control and to be forced into it by the person you cared about most. I never blew anyone after that. It would only have brought back visions of that day.”

“So to answer your question, no it wasn’t an apology it was a realization. I realized you aren’t anything like him, I know you wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me. I’ve dated other people since him but I never felt safe enough to try. I feel safe with you. You make me feel safer in a few months than they could in years.”

“Levi…” My voice comes out a whisper. How could anyone do that to him?

“Pretty heavy dinner topic huh?” He chuckles, lightening the mood slightly. “Don’t focus on the past, the present is so much brighter.”

I can’t help but smile at his optimism. “That’s why you were so insistent about me not drinking when I first met you. That’s why you said drinking doesn’t fix your problems, it only makes them worse.”

“I usually have a method behind my madness. Now let’s finish eating so we can get to the surprise you’ve been waiting so patiently for.”

My heart begins racing from the time those words pass his lips and doesn’t stop racing as he blindfolds me, drives for what feels like an eternity, and takes me by the hand leading me out into the frigid air. “Can I see my surprise yet?”

Without a second delay, Levi moves behind me fidgeting with the knot of the blindfold. The scrap of cloth falls away from my face allowing the mixture of blues and greens to illuminate my vision. My head tilts back to take in the expansive glowing sky and my hand raises to cover my now gaping mouth. “Is this?” Of course it is but I can’t form any thoughts at the moment.

“The northern lights? Yes.” Levi’s at my side again, wrapping his arm around my free one.

There’s another long pause as my eyes follow every bend of light, tracing their paths across the sky. “How did you think to come here?”

I can hear the smile in his voice. “My mother brought me here when I was younger. I’ve never been back but I haven’t forgotten how magical it is. What do you think?”

“This is the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” I admit, still staring at the wash of colors above me.

I can see Levi’s head turn up to me in a whirl of confusion. “Second?”

Turning to him, I wrap arms around the small of his back and hold him against me. “You. You’re the _most_ beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

He runs a hand along my jaw as he pushes up on his toes to kiss me. My heart’s racing out of more than excitement over this kiss, it races out of nerves too. While Levi was preparing this surprise I was preparing one of my own and now is the perfect time to give it to him.

Breaking the kiss, I meet his eyes and whisper my surprise. “Je t'aime Levi.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update, I was very busy with school and such... Anyway, I updated the tags because stuff goes down in this chapter (it's a little heavy). It is the unlucky number 13 after all!

In the mere seconds after I share my surprise, once large pupils filled with excitement shrink drastically as Levi’s eyes widen. My ears ring with the prolonged silence hanging between us. His hand that currently rests on my neck snaps back, thudding against his chest where it grabs at the fabric of his coat. And gray eyes fall away from mine to focus on the crisp ground.

“L-Levi…” I stammer on the verge of tears. There’s no answer, just a few deep breaths as though he’d just run a marathon. “Say something. Anything.” I plead.

Levi swiftly turns to the side and lifts his gaze to the expansive sky once more. “It really is beautiful isn’t it?” The words are barely audible but it sounds like the breath has been knocked of him.

I take it back, ‘anything’ is not a good response. It’s been a while since this kind of anger had bubbled up with Levi. Losing control, my arms shoot out and grasp Levi’s shoulders before turning him to face me again. “Don’t act like that didn’t just fucking happen! Pretending that silence didn’t just rip the life out of me is a real dick thing to do Levi!”

I thought it wouldn’t be possible but Levi’s eyes manage to grow wider, wider in fear of my insane screaming. The situation hits causing my hands to jerk away from his skin; he doesn’t have to accept my love nor does he have to respond to it. “Nevermind, forget I said anything.” Turning back to the lights, I pause for a moment before repeating what I’d said earlier. “How’d you think to come here?”

Levi only falters for a second before coolly responding. “My mother brought me here when I was younger.” His hand twitches to touch mine so I let our fingers intertwine then sigh at the regained comfort.

“I’m a little tired, do you mind if we go back to the room and rest for a bit? We can come back out in a little while if you want.” My voice sounds as deflated as I feel. No more words are exchanged as Levi escorts me back to our room.

Once in the familiarity of the hotel room, I immediately head to the bathroom to strip off the constricting suit. Standing alone in my boxers, I sneak a glimpse up at my reflection before wincing at the stranger staring back at me. Dark moons rim the bottoms of my eyes, highly contrasting my flushed skin. Everything about this sucks, I was so sure Levi loved me as much as I love him. My eyes sting with the tears I can no longer suppress. Hot tracks streak my face and my head tips back, mouth agape while I stifle any noise that would alert Levi to my mental breakdown. Ankles finally waiver enabling my body to crumple to the ground in a heap of anguish. Seconds fade into minutes before a rapping knock sends my body into high alert. “Eren are you alright?” Shit.

Drawing in a deep breath, I clear my throat and muster up the best “yes” I can manage. There’s a pause, as if Levi’s assessing whether he should believe the response or not. “I’m going to run and pick something up real quick okay? Do you need anything while I’m out?”

“No I don’t, be safe.” I can hear him sigh outside the door. You have nothing to sigh about Levi and no reason to be upset. It’s not like you just had your soul ripped out and then had to apologize to the very person who destroyed you. A soft click outside the door tells me Levi’s left our hotel room. Another heart wrenching sob ripples through my body before exiting in a sound I didn’t even know I was capable of making. The sheer force of my sobs result in a round of dry heaving on the cold tile floor. Once my body’s done convulsing I shiver over the cold sweat I’ve broken out in.

How could I be so wrong about Levi’s feelings? He has to know I’m broken right now and yet he leaves, he didn’t even try to come in here after me. He probably thinks I’m just being childish and overreacting. How could I be stupid enough to believe someone nine years older than me with his life figured out want to date a whiny child who hadn’t even figured out his sexuality yet? Levi doesn’t love me. Hell he probably doesn’t even care about me. The whole relationship I thought I had with this man has been a farce. God I hurt so much right now; I haven’t felt so much pain and betrayal since my father deserted me. I can’t. I can’t handle this, it’s too much to comprehend. I’ve pushed away both my sister and my only friend, mom’s away a lot for work so literally the only person I have left is Levi and he doesn’t even care about me. I’m alone, completely alone. On top of everything else, I’m stranded in Alaska with Levi meaning I’ll have to leave the bathroom and face him eventually. I can’t. I can’t see Levi again. I can’t. I can’t. I. _Can’t_.

It takes a great deal of strength to pull up to the counter and shakily stand to face myself again. Empty emerald eyes drop to the disposable razor resting on the rim of the sink.

My pulse quickens only momentarily before my heart drops in acceptance. I have nothing. I have no one. What’s the point in pretending my life will work out one day? It won’t take long for people to get over the loss. Mom will have Mikasa, and Mikasa and Armin have lots of friends so who am I in the grand scheme of their lives? A hindrance. A nuisance. A waste of time.

It doesn’t take much force to snap the plastic trim off the razor nor much strength to rip one of the thin razor blades out of its place. As I lower myself to the floor the thought crosses my mind to write a note, but then who would read it?

With shaky hands, I lower the blade until it rests against my skin. A quick graze horizontally against the skin confirms my ability to bear the pain long enough to finish the job. Dark beads of red spring to the edge of the wound, it’s not nearly deep enough for any real damage to be done though. I silently curse myself for wasting precious time, any second Levi could return. The second slash, I ensure, is deeper as I pressed on the blade until it dented the skin before sliding it across. Immediately hot liquid pours from the gash, running tracks down my arm. Quickly the razor blade exchanges hands and the other wrist is slashed.

I can’t feel anything, my body’s completely numb. And why wouldn’t it be, I don’t have a soul left to feel with. With a slow blink my eyes try to refocus and fail. A whispered “I’m sorry” escapes my lips because I am sorry, sorry Levi will have to clean up my mess when he returns. However, the guilt doesn’t last long before I feel my head hit the floor and the world goes black.

 

_It’s an odd feeling_

_I feel as though I’m submerged in water_

_I can’t see anything_

_Everything’s dark_

_I can only hear my voice_

_Although I’m not speaking._

_It’s an odd feeling_

_Like I’m in limbo._

_It’s an odd feeling_

_Being so alone in the world_

_With no one to care about_

_No one to live for._

_It’s an odd feeling_

_To realize a person_

_Can live for themselves._

_It’s an odd feeling_

_To realize you want to live_

_After you’ve sentenced yourself to death._

 

Floating in limbo, I’m alert and able to think for what feels like an extensive amount of time. Funny how much blood I’ve lost yet I’m still alive in a way. Or maybe I’m not alive and this is what people have to look forward to when they die. All thoughts come to a standstill when the dark void I’d been drifting in suddenly lightens with swirls of gray before eventually giving way to blinding white. A few groggy blinks and my eyes adjust to the change. Stark white walls and stiff mattress I’m currently resting on can only mean I’m in the hospital. “Hnn.” I groan in response to the heaviness of my body.

“Well someone’s feeling better.” An eager nurse chirps, popping her head into the room. She’d obviously been waiting out there until I woke. “Do you know where you are?” A slow nod on my part assures her I do yet translates my confusion.

“Why am I here?” I manage to croak through my incredibly dry throat.

Her face darkens immediately and she moves to rest on the edge of my bed before gently taking my hand in hers. “You may not share my opinion, but you have so much to offer the world. There are people who care about you and it might sound selfish but you’re here for us, for the people who care about you. I don’t know what happened that made you feel this was the best option but I can assure you suicide is not the solution for whatever’s troubling you. There’s nothing that can’t be fixed, no matter how bleak the situation seems.”

A small chuckle escapes my lips thereby drawing the nurse out of her somber expression and into a puzzled one. “I was more looking for an explanation as to how I got to the hospital.”

“Oh.” She stands, understanding her uplifting speech is no longer necessary. “Your friend found you on the bathroom floor at your hotel and called an ambulance. We just barely got you here in time and it took a couple of transfusions just to get your vitals back to normal. You really gave us a scare especially with how deep those cuts were.” Her gaze falls and mine follows as we both stare at the bandages wound tightly around my wrists. A pang of guilt flutters through my chest.

“I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me. After I passed out I could still think in a way, my mind was working but I couldn’t feel anything. During that time I realized that even if no one else cares about me, I can still care about me and sometimes that will have to be enough.” Before I can look up at her I’m pulled into a tight, and slightly awkward, hug.

“I’m so glad to hear that.” The words are mumbled into my hair but I can still detect the falter in her voice. “Often we find people in your situation who fight us once they regain consciousness, trying to rip their stitches out. Even after they leave the hospital we know they’re just going to keep trying to commit suicide until they succeed. Now that being said, we will be holding you here for a few days and after that we’ll be checking in on you to make sure you are regularly seeing a psychiatrist.”

The mention of a psychiatrist causes my chest to tighten. “Where’s the man that brought me here?”

Her eyes soften once again and flicker to the chair reserved for guests which currently holds a suitcase. “He said he was going home but he packed all of your stuff and brought it here.” There’s a pause. “Is everything alright?”

I can only imagine how deathly pale my face is right now. “Y-yeah, but can I have a minute alone?” She eyes me wearily. “I promise I won’t try anything stupid; you can wait outside the door if you want.” Apparently it’s enough to convince her as she turns on her heel and bounces toward the door.

My chest constricts with what would be tears that is if I had any left to spill. Glancing at my suitcase resting in the chair I can’t help but be angry at myself for fucking up this bad. And why would he just leave? The last time I was in the hospital Levi stayed in the lobby even though he was upset with me.

Just when I’m about to turn away from the bag thereby shutting out the negative thoughts desperately trying to come back, something catches my eye. A white triangle is sticking out the large front pocket. I’m on my feet almost instantly. It takes a few seconds to overcome the head rush associated with losing, then regaining, so much blood. Upon steadying myself, I’m able to stagger over to the foreign object and remove it. Further examination makes it obvious Levi hand wrote a letter and placed it in the pocket before he left. I make my way back to the bed, feeling I’ll need to sit before reading, and curl up before unfolding the crisp paper.

_Eren,_

_I know you’ll be angry with me when you wake up (if you wake up, please God wake up) for leaving you there by yourself. I’ll understand if you are and I won’t blame you. Maybe it’ll make things easier if you hate me. I don’t want to say it, but this is exactly why psychiatrists aren’t supposed to see their patients. I was blinded by my happiness, in turn I failed as a psychiatrist and I failed as your boyfriend. When you first came to me, you were struggling with depression and in the swirl of excitement I lost track of that. I don’t know if that means you got better at masking it or that I was too blind to see it. Even after Mikasa prevented you from seeing me, I should have pushed you to find a new psychiatrist but I didn’t thereby allowing you to bottle up the depression until it overcame you._

_You probably don’t remember what I told you the first day we met but I shared the story about a girl I used to have as a patient whose parents I had to tell that she was having suicidal thoughts. I lied slightly back then and left out some of the story. From the beginning that patient felt very comfortable around me. We always had enjoyable sessions which she would typically leave smiling from. After a few months she began thanking me a lot for all that I was doing for her and would end every session with “Je t'aime Levi.” I didn’t think anything of it in the beginning, just chalked it up to a friendly or family kind of love. When she came in talking about how she almost went through with the last suicide attempt, I called her parents and informed them of her situation but that wasn’t the last time I spoke to her as I’d originally told you. She stopped by the office a few days later, running directly into my arms while rambling on about how happy I make her and how she couldn’t be upset over me telling her parents because it meant I cared about her. Once more she whispered “Je t'aime Levi” and it finally dawned on me she didn’t mean it the way I’d originally thought. I was fresh out of college so of course I pushed her away and rejected the confession (because I’m not supposed to date patients right?). I received a call early the next morning from her parents informing me she’d killed herself that night. If I hadn’t let our relationship progress that far, if I’d just turned her over to another psychiatrist maybe she would still be alive. I carry the death of that girl on my shoulders every day of my life but I didn’t want to scare you on our first appointment with a story of the girl I failed to help._

_I love you Eren. I always have. There was a misunderstanding when you told me you loved me. The moment you said those words I flashed back to all the times she’d said it and it dawned on me our situation is extremely similar to one I’ve lived before. One that I can’t bear to watch play out again. So when I didn’t respond it wasn’t because I don’t love you (I care about you more than I’ll ever be able to explain) it was because I was petrified I would lose you like I lost her. I’m sorry I hesitated because in the end it caused the same outcome._

_I knew you were upset that I didn’t say it back at the time but I hadn’t realized how upset. When I left the hotel room, I headed to the liquor store (you know my feelings on alcohol but I thought it would be nice distraction from this story which I planned to tell you when I returned). I had no idea the mental state you were in or I never would’ve left, I hope you know that. Upon returning you didn’t respond to my knock on the door so I forced my way in only to find a cold lifeless version of the once exuberant person I loved. It destroyed me on a level I’m not sure you’ll ever understand nor I’ll be able to come back from. To see your beautiful face that’d been filled with anguish an hour earlier suddenly so serene, the sort of serene that only comes with death. I was so sure I’d lost you and looking at the pool of blood you were in I had no reason to believe I hadn’t. I held you in my arms until the paramedics arrived, they would have allowed me to ride with you in the ambulance but I couldn’t. In my mind I wasn’t sure they could save you and I wasn’t sure I could survive seeing that serene look on your face again. I really hope they managed to save you._

_I called Mikasa (I know you’ll hate me for that too) and paid for her to fly here to see you. She should arrive later today or early tomorrow. I’ve left two plane tickets in your suitcase for when you’re well enough to return and I left the champagne I’d bought for us (maybe you can share it with your sister)._

_I’m so extremely sorry, everything that’s happened was my fault. I let our relationship progress, I ignored your mental illness, I indirectly made you believe suicide was the best option, and in the end I’m the one that’s leaving. I apologize, I’ve ruined you and no amount of persuasion will convince me I haven’t. I love you but I have to say goodbye because you’re so bright I’m blind enough to ignore your needs._

_So je t'aime, te amo, I love you; however you want me to say it I will Eren. But I can’t do this anymore, too much pain has come out of this relationship on both accounts. I don’t know if you’ll want to contact me when all of this is over but I’ll say it anyway, I won’t answer your calls Eren. I won’t answer any emails nor texts nor letters. I’m cutting myself out of your life because whether you believe me or not I’m detrimental to your health and only pain will come from our relationship. I’m finally doing what’s best for you._

_I’ll always love you Eren, I hope you know that._


	14. Chapter 14

I was horribly wrong in thinking I didn’t have any tears left to cry. As my mouth opens to release the violent sobs bubbling up, I clutch Levi’s letter to my chest like somehow I could hold on to him that way.

“Eren…” A weak voice from the doorway calls. It doesn’t stop the tears but amplifies them when I glance up to find Mikasa looking sick. She crosses to me in an instant, drawing my body into a tight embrace. “Words can’t explain how happy I am that you’re okay.” Holding me at arm’s length, Mikasa’s teary eyes search mine.

“I really fucked up this time.” The words come out much more broken than I’d anticipated. “I bet you’re furious I lied to you.” My eyes fall away from hers to rest on the pathetic gray bandages wrapping my wrists.

Her hands gently move to take hold and lace our fingers together. “I’m not happy you lied to me _but_ I understand why you did.”

Catching me off guard I’m visibly taken aback. “W-what?”

“Levi called to tell us the situation. He was devastated, barely able to choke full sentences out.” My chest tightens just thinking about the pain I put him through. “I thought Levi was a creepy pervert preying on a high school student but hearing him talk about the condition you were in and how he would pay to have us come be with you, I realized he isn’t the demon I made him out to be. So I understand that you couldn’t have told me back then that you were coming on this trip with him.”

“Us?” I question recalling the multiple times she’d chosen that over ‘me’.

“Mom and I.” A rigid gasp catches in my throat. “Yeah, he called my cell but insisted I put it on speaker so he could talk to both of us. Levi knew how I would react but he had no idea how mom would take your relationship. The point is Eren, he didn’t care what happened to him, he wanted mom to be here for you too. Levi really cares about you.”

Her words bring about another round of tears. “Cared. He cared about me but that’s over now.”

“He mentioned he wouldn’t talk to you again but he never said anything about not caring about you. And by the way he sounded on the phone, he cares about you a whole hell of a lot.” Mikasa corrects in a tone that almost makes her sound like mom.

“What’s it matter if I can’t talk to or see him though?” I whimper.

Mikasa’s voice lightens as she claps a hand on my arm. “Eren if there’s one thing you’re good at it’s being annoying.” My exasperated expression draws out a giggle. “Knowing you, you won’t let this go until he pays attention to you again. And honestly I don’t think it’ll take much convincing for him to cave.”

“I really hope you’re right Mikasa.”

Movement in my peripheral visions draws my attention just in time for a large stuffed bear to collide with my face. Shocked I look up to find an extremely pissed off looking Armin fuming at the end of the bed. “Why didn’t you tell me? What, you couldn’t have told me how upset you were? Not once in any of the conversations we’ve had you could you say ‘Hey Armin, I never got consolation for my depression and it’s kind of eating away at me?’”

“He’s upset enough already Armin, drop it!” Mikasa whirls around, snapping at him.

Blue eyes shift their anger to her. “He’s only upset he lost his boyfriend over this. He doesn’t care how hurt we are, can’t you see that?” His angry disposition slowly dissolving into sadness.

“I—” She fumes, moving to get off the bed.

“No Mikasa it’s alright, all I’ve done since you got here is talk about Levi. But I am extremely sorry that I made you guys worry. I wish I could go back and stop myself from doing it. I can’t imagine the pain you felt when you got that call.” I manage to look at Armin. “I’m sorry for everything Armin.”

His sadness visibly triumphs over his anger as he runs to pull me into a hug. “I was so worried you wouldn’t be awake when we got here. Mikasa had to give me a Xanax on the plane. Promise me. Promise me you won’t do this again.” He pleads.

My hand moves to the back of his head, soothingly petting it. “I promise Armin and I swear I’ll make this up to you.”

“No, no it’s okay just don’t do it again.” Tears soak into the shoulder of my t-shirt.

“I’m going to do something since I made you worry so much, it’s non-negotiable.” He chuckles against my skin, still clinging on for dear life. “How much did you pay for the plane ticket?”

“That’s how you’re going to fix this?” Armin laughs. “With money?”

“This is just the beginning of what I’ll do for you.”

He pulls back wiping the remaining water from his lashes. “Yeah okay. Anyway, I didn’t pay anything Levi did. He called me too to tell me the situation, insisting I be here for you. Saying I’m much better for you than he’ll ever be and that he would be happy if you dated me instead.” It might almost be believable if not for the grin creeping across my friend’s face.

Good old Armin, always able to make me laugh. “Are you sure he said that last part?”

“Hmm yup I distinctly remember those words.”                                                   

“You’re so full of shit Armin.” I jokingly retort before my focus is once again drawn to the doorway as another guest crosses the threshold. My eyes connect with my mother’s tear stained ones while she crumples to the floor. In an instant I’m off the end of the bed, on the floor wrapping my arms around her quivering shoulders. “Shh mom don’t cry. I’m so sorry. It’s okay. I’m okay. We can go home together. Everything’s going to be alright.” I reassure her, petting her hair.

The room remains silent aside from her muffled sobs and my soothing shushes for what feels like the better part of an hour. “I’m such a horrible mother.” She whimpers, tears finally starting to subside.

“God no you’re not, why would you think that?” I contradict with an exasperated expression.

Her face lowers into her hands. “I wasn’t home enough and I didn’t notice that you weren’t yourself. Maybe if I’d noticed this wouldn’t have happened.”

“You can’t blame yourself. I’ve learned that I’m very good at masking my emotions from the ones I love in a ridiculous attempt to protect them. This is all my fault so there’s no one to blame but me.” Her brown eyes lift to focus on mine as they begin to swim again though I do my best to brush away the premature tears. “All that matters now is that I’m safe.”

A sad smile spreads across her features as her hands move to cup my face. “And I’m so glad that you are.” She presses a soft kiss into my hair before attempting to lighten the mood, “So tell me about this boyfriend of yours.” An obnoxiously loud groan erupts behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, as expected, I find a smirking Armin looking back at me.

Upon finishing a quick rundown of my relationship with Levi, mother pauses assessing the situation. “I can’t say that I’m entirely thrilled with the age difference between you two. Or that you were keeping this from me for almost a year.” She pauses, reaching out to pinch the tip of my nose. “But I truly don’t believe Levi has any malicious intent with this relationship. Answer me honestly Eren, have you two slept together?”

My face instantly ablaze over having to have this conversation with my mother but the answer’s still, “No.” Not technically a lie.

“Then I don’t really mind it. Nothing, aside from the age gap, seems weird about this situation. It’s just like any relationship you would be having with one of your peers. Now that being said, both Mikasa and Armin have told me how happy that guy makes you. So you’ve got to fix this; you’ve already fixed it with us, he’s the last one that needs your apology.”

“No need to tell me. I don’t plan on losing Levi.”

“Are you going to call him?” She questions.

“Yeah but there’s some things I need to do first.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost immediately after returning home I researched local psychiatrists. In my consultation appointment Dr. Pixis concluded biweekly appointments were probably the best option considering my recent episode. And to ease the edge while our appointments start to make headway into the things I’m feeling, he prescribed an antidepressant.

The first month home I called Levi every day and as promised he ignored every call. No voicemails were left, no texts were sent, just a single call every day at the same time.

Back when I’d attended that party at Jean’s house, Mikasa had informed me of Jean’s not so minor crush on my best friend. However, Armin had never mentioned seeing Jean as anything more than a friend until recently so it was never really necessary to share Jean’s feelings with him. As the school year wound down I followed through with my promise to Armin. It took a little work but I managed to talk my friend into buying a ticket to the spring dance and Jean to ask the little blond to join him for a song. I was never able to give Armin the happiness he deserved but hearing the excitement in his voice as he bounced over to tell me that Jean asked him out meant Jean was able to.

Finally after being home for almost six months I dial the once familiar number. On the first ring the line clicks over, “I’m so torn as to what to say to you Eren. I want to be glad you’re okay but I also want to be fucking pissed you hurt Levi as bad as you did!”

“Hanji I need a favor.” I state plainly, ignoring her tirade.

“ _You_ need a favor.” She laughs into the phone. “ _I_ need a favor. How about you fix what you fucking broke? He’s a mess. He literally just comes to work, does what he has to, goes home and sleeps. That’s it, that’s all he does. You’ve completely broken him Eren.” Hanji shouts as she moves out of the reception area.

“I get you’re upset but if you would _listen_ to me that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. You’re the best shot I have at actually getting through to him. If I’m wrong in thinking that then I’ll work around you but I _will_ get Levi back.”

She audibly slumps against the wall. “I’m listening.”

“I need an appointment.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the week winding down to my ‘appointment’ with Levi I’d seen Dr. Pixis every day. I thought it would be best considering the volatile state I’m in. Every thought running through my mind that week was about Levi, per usual, and how many different directions this meeting could go.

Will he be happy just to see me after all this time? Will he be angry with me over everything I put him through? Will he greet me with open arms? Will he refuse to see me? Has he moved on? Does he truly believe in his soul that there’s no way we can be together?

A constant back in forth in my mind of how desperately I need Levi in my life and how hard he’s tried to keep me away. And all of it spewed to my new psychiatrist who poked and prodded into my concerns. But he was able to bring me to a place where I still feel as though Levi is everything to me but that he isn’t my soul. If he chooses to walk away, he isn’t taking my life with him.

Stepping into the once familiar lobby brings another wave of the same anxiety I’d been feeling all week. A glance over at Hanji translates all the fear bubbling up inside. She crosses to me, all anger from our previous conversation erased from her voice, “You look like you’re going to be sick.” Her words are heard but my attention remains fixed on the door to Levi’s office. “I’m trusting you to fix this okay sweetie? It’s going to be okay. Take a breath, remember you’ve had a million other conversations with Levi and know that this is just another one. Don’t be nervous.”

A firm hand is placed on my back pushing me toward the door as she calls out, “Levi your 11 o’clock is here. I’m sending him in.”

By the time my fingers wrap around the door knob Levi realizes something’s off. “Him? I thought Sasha was my first appointment?” He’s moving for the door when I push my way in. Visibly taken aback by my presence, Levi recoils jaw tightening. “Eren…” Though his body remains strong, sadness wells in his eyes.

The door behind me shuts with a soft click. “Levi we need to talk.” A step forward is answered with a step back.

“No you need to leave.” My noise of protest is cut off as he continues, “You already fucked us up and now you cancel other people’s appointments. Did it cross your mind that she might have needed this session? That she might’ve been suicidal and you just took away the one person she could talk to?” It hadn’t. “Just because you downplay your depression doesn’t mean that everyone does. Some people actually use their sessions to improve their mental state.”

The words snake their way into my chest, knocking the air out of me. “I didn’t purposely downplay it.” Pausing, my eyes lower to the carpet. “Good things never happen to me. I’m always the person who starts fights and acts out in class. But when I met you the world got infinitely brighter, I was intoxicated by the happiness I felt when I was around you. Meeting you was by far the greatest thing that ever happened to me. My intention was never to hurt the one person I cared about more than myself.”

Levi crosses the distance between us jabbing a finger toward me. “That. That’s exactly what’s wrong. That’s what I was too happy to hear before.”

“I’m not sure I…” I mumble in confusion.

“My intention was never to hurt the one person I cared about more than myself.” He parrots back to me. “You can’t value someone else over yourself but that’s exactly how you feel. If I left you you’d…”

“Continue living.” I cut him off, seeing where his sentence was heading and not agreeing. “You misunderstood. I do love you more than I love myself but that doesn’t mean I don’t love myself. You’re everything to me but you aren’t my soul. If you chose to leave I’d still be here.” My hand lifts to take his from where his finger rests against my chest, delicately intertwining our fingers. “Does that mean you don’t feel the same way?”

Levi’s gray eyes flicker up to mine briefly before focusing again on our hands suspended between us. “Of course not. I took advantage of you can’t you see that!” His fingers easily shake their way out of my grasp. “I was bored listening to the same issues everyday so I wanted a bit of excitement. Is there a better shot at excitement in my line of work aside from dating a patient?”

It feels as though the world moves slower while I stumble backward away from Levi shaking my head. “N-no you said you loved me.” The words barely audible.

“I was leading you on kid, I already have someone I love. Someone my age. Why would I love a little high school kid who didn’t even know he was gay until I came into the picture?” His condescending tone doesn’t falter even as he turns his back to me, heading back across the room.

“You’re in a relationship?” Tears threaten to spill over my lashes. And my question’s only met with a glance over his shoulder. But that glance conveys everything. I know Levi and I can tell what he’s doing by the sadness in his eyes. “You’re a fucking _liar_!” I scream eliciting a look of shock. In a second I’m at Levi’s side, arm snaking around his waist, drawing his lips up to meet mine. Soft punches pound my ribcage but slowly fade into gentle thumps. Delicately slender hands lift to wipe away the tears flowing down my cheeks.

“I’m trying to protect you Eren.” Levi whispers, drawing back from the kiss but not shaking out of my grasp.

“How can you protect me if you’re nowhere near me?” I retort with more volume than necessary although it still conveys my confusion.

“I’m protecting you _by_ staying away from you!” He shouts, frustration building in his voice.

“That doesn’t make any sense! I don’t need protection from you, you’ve done nothing to hurt me!” Gray eyes fall to where his hands hold the fabric of my shirt.

“Tell me then. What we’re you thinking when you decided suicide was the best option?” My heart races in my chest remember all the incorrect things I thought before following through with it.

Tightening my grip on his waist, I manage an answer, “I was thinking about how my father deserted me, practically betrayed me really, and how no one would miss me if I were gone. I figured Mikasa and my mom had each other while Armin had a lot of other friends. I was feeling really insignificant.”

“No Eren tell me what you were thinking about me. How did I enter the equation?”

“You didn’t. It was just about my family and Armin.” I respond, refusing to give him an honest answer.

Levi’s eyes narrow and lock on mine as he once again shakes his way out of my grasp, with more of a challenge this time, before taking a few steps away. “Don’t lie to me Eren.” My mouth opens to deny the claim but he continues, “I’ll give you a choice and you tell me which the truth is. One: I didn’t cross your mind at all meaning my feelings weren’t a concern for you. In that situation you don’t really care about me at all in which case we’re done. Two: I was the catalyst in your attempted suicide. My silence drove you to that decision in which case we’re done.”

Cold gray eyes observe me with close precision as I shift awkwardly in place. “That’s not fair!”

“If I said we could be together in one of these scenarios but not the other you would obviously choose the one with the happier outcome. I want the honest answer of what you thought that night.” He calmly responds, arms crossed.

With a sigh I provide the answer Levi was expecting, “I didn’t understand why you hadn’t responded to my confession back then and it ate away at me.”

“So the second option then.” I nod, averting my eyes. “I want to explain something to you. How do you feel right now Eren?” He takes a few steps forward to lift my head, forcing me to meet his gaze.

Without hesitation I respond, “Broken.”

“Amplify that by a hundred and you’ll have barely scratched the surface of what I felt that night.” More tears streak down my cheeks. “I do hate the fact that I was the final straw that pushed you over the edge into suicidal territory. However, my reasons for staying away are slightly selfish too. I don’t think I can survive seeing you like that again, all lifeless and serene in a pool of your own blood.”

“It won’t happen again though.” I shout, conviction reading in my features.

“I told you before not to make promises you can’t keep.” Levi half-heartedly chastises.

“I’m not.” After a slight pause I remember Dr. Pixis’ business card. Rifling through my pocket I draw the slightly wrinkled paper out and hand it to Levi. “I’ve been attending biweekly sessions with him until this week where I went every day. I’m even on depression medication now. If you don’t believe me or if you just want to check on my progress you can call him. I already asked and he said he didn’t mind having consultations with you. Plus if it helps to question me on how I’m feeling we can do that too. I’ll never lie to you Levi and I’ll do anything to fix myself to the point you believe it’s safe enough to be around me.” I ramble, trying to get in all my points before he has a chance to cut me off.

“Why did you go every day this week?” Levi asks, brow furrowed in thought.

“I was feeling anxious and down thinking about how wrong this confrontation could go. I didn’t want those feelings to build into something bigger and I didn’t feel it was bad enough to trouble Mikasa or my mom with so I just made extra sessions with Dr. Pixis.”

His head lowers to look at the card in his hands. “How long have you been seeing him?”

“Since I returned from the hospital so roughly six months.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know many people who enjoy being sick. Plus I’m tired of hurting the people I love.” Levi’s eyes remain focused on the card although it’s clear he’s not looking at it. “Levi please.”

In a barely audible whisper he responds, “I’m _scared_ Eren.”

“Scared?” I question while tucking a strand of hair back behind his ear.

“I’m scared of trusting you.” Yet another piece of my heart shatters. “Everything you’ve said sounds wonderful and promising but who knows what’s going to happen in the future. What if we fight or break up or something happens to me? How do I know you won’t try something? You say you’re getting better but I’ve observed people suffering from depression. They think everything’s okay one day then are overcome with sadness the next. Sometimes all it takes is failing a test at school to knock them back into a downward spiral.” Cupping his face in my hands I draw his eyes up to meet mine only to find tears lining his dark lashes.

“Levi I love you and I’ll always need you. No one knows what’s going to happen tomorrow but I can guarantee I won’t hit the point I hit six months ago.” Threatening tears finally wash down Levi’s cheeks.

“You can’t. You can’t guarantee that.” He cries.

“From your experience, people with depression make commitments like the one I’m proposing when they’re at their happiest right? They feel good so they think everything’s okay?” A light and shaky nod is the only able response from Levi. “Think about it. Do you think I’m happy right now? As I struggle to earn the trust of the person I love the most? As I desperately try to convince you to take this chance with me? All the while knowing I don’t deserve you. Knowing this exchange only has one outcome and it’s not the one I’m hoping for.” I pause as Levi slumps into my arms, forehead pressed to my chest, sobbing. “I came here knowing that Levi. And it sucks and I feel sick and empty but I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt myself. The only thing I want to do is keep trying to convince you it’s okay to trust me.”

“Do you really believe there’s no chance of this talk ending in us getting back together?” He mumbles into my chest, quickening my pulse.

I struggle to maintain a casual tone, “Am I wrong?”

The question followed by an expansive silence filled with Levi desperately grabbing handfuls of my shirt. “You stopped calling.”

Thinking back to the month I’d called him every day then abruptly stopped. “I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. It took a month to get around to talking about you in therapy, when I mentioned calling you every day it was suggested that I put myself in your shoes. I was being cruel, constantly forcing you to restrain yourself from picking up the phone. I just wanted to tell you I was home safe, you probably understood that from the first call though.”

“I already knew you were safe. I knew the transfusions succeeded.” His words are pained. “I lied to you. I didn’t leave you alone at the hospital, how could I? I was in the hall with the nurse until you woke up and it was announced your vitals were normal. After you were okay I went down and waited in the emergency room until your family and Armin arrived.” Levi’s shoulders quiver in my arms.

“Come here.” I knock his legs out from under him, drawing him up into my arms before proceeding to the couch where I sit with him on my lap. His head rests in the crook of my neck, arms snaked around my shoulders. We sit in the silence only broken by Levi’s occasional sniffle for a long time.

“What do you need to convince you we can be together?” I ask quietly.

He thinks for a moment, tears subsiding. “You said I could call your doctor after every appointment?”

“You can call him whenever you want his opinion on my mental state.” I confirm.

“And you won’t lie to me if I ask you how you’re feeling?”

“I won’t lie to you period.”

A soft smile crosses his face though he doesn’t meet my eyes. “You’ll have to move in with me.”

“E-Excuse me?” I stammer; a hint of blush rising in my cheeks. “I’m not eighteen, I don’t think my mom will let me move out.”

“I guess you don’t have to move in with me but I do want to see you every day, until I trust you not to physically hurt yourself I want to check you for cuts.”

“Done. What else?”

A simple shake of the head is all I get in response. “I love you Eren.” My heart swells over the sound of those words on his tongue.

“I love you too.” Once again our lips meet although it feels different. More intimate in a way. We’ve seen each other at our worst and know the things that could cripple the other but both choose to forward their efforts into bringing the other happiness. Feeling his heart drumming in his chest emphasizes how I never want mine to stop. I’m living for myself but I feel alive by the people around me. Resting with Levi on my lap I know there’s nowhere else I belong.

“Levi your 12 o’clock is here.” Hanji calls through the door.

Levi answers with a halfhearted groan only loud enough for me to hear. “Have you really been here for an hour?” He asks, groggily moving off my lap. “Do you have anywhere to be today?”

After a shake of my head he draws me into a quick kiss. “Will you wait for me to finish work?”

“I’d wait for you forever if I had to.” Gray eyes shimmer with the happiness he had just before the incident in Alaska. “Plus I brought the champagne you left in my bag.”

The deep chuckle I’d missed so much fills the room. “So you thought there was no chance of this ending well yet you still brought it?”

“I had hope.” I offer over my shoulder as I exit into the reception area.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! I'd originally planned to have smut but winding down there didn't really seem to be an appropriate time for it so I'm very sorry.  
> Anyway, I appreciate all of you who put up with my infrequent updates toward the end. And I want to thank everyone who read, left kudos, and commented. Especially those who commented. There were times I contemplated deleting this fic because people were saying hateful things but you guys encouraged me to ignore them and continue. I can't explain how much the encouragement helped.  
> This was my first fic and there are definitely things I need to improve on but I'm thankful for all of your support.


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